Definition By Occupation

Society, as I think it is per our nature, has hierarchies based on marketability. Whether you know it or not, everything is predicated on marketability and what can sell, or rather, what can be made off of something else. And with that, comes people who can only see someone else's marketable traits, for more than just business. For instance, say you were walking one day and you've been walking for awhile and you were tired, so you sat under a bridge or something, just resting and a homeless man wandered over to you. Would you talk to him? Barring him maybe being dangerous because of the mental instability of these folks, but let's say that he is recently homeless because of the economy or something and hasn't had a chance to reach out to his family or there was something up. My main point is, he isn't crazy, nor is he dumb. In fact, he is your type of person. And he lives around you... in fact, anywhere around you, haha. But joking aside, would you associate with him? You get along with him great, he is funny and can give you intelligent conversations. Now, everyone who isn't a stuck up snob (there is one of you out there and you know who you are), would say you would talk to him, but that's bullshit. I can't say what I would do, or if anything, the mere fact that I would think this up would mean I probably would be more inclined to befriend this downtrodden fellow, but saying without proving is the easiest thing in the world. Most people wouldn't because he has no title, he has no marketability, or at the very least, he has no easy opportunities. And that's how people think. People say "Yeah, my name is Bob, and I'm a senior accountant" they use it to present their authority, whatever it is. And, if you have status, you look down on anyone who doesn't have status, regardless of whether you are conscious of it or not.

I realized this this year that not everyone is the same. We aren't all given the proper opportunity and some of us don't even have marketable skills or, if we did, we never knew about them, so they never manifested. To someone crazy successful without having a successful, it's just a quirky set of circumstances that led them to that point. "Well, why don't you just work hard and you'll get good opportunities?" It's because it doesn't work like that. We just can't be held to the same standard because our situations are different. But I'm not trying to quibble about financial circumstances, my main point is, you shouldn't judge people on marketable merits, especially for personal reasons. In having a good time and interesting conversations, everyone is equal opportunity there.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of I'll Do Whatever the Fuck I Want To

The running theme of what I say about the human mind (or just sentient beings in general, but that would be pushing emotions on all sentient beings, which may not be the case) and the way we think is we can only think in terms of our personal perspective. That's why there are such misunderstandings and such arguments are petty things in the world, because we can't understand each other's perspectives and situations. Everyone seems to be judging me on the basis of what they think is the right thing to do for my situation because of what they have already seen before. The thing that EVERYONE forgets is I'm not like anyone else. I think in a such a way that is vastly different from at least most of the people I'll meet. So projecting this ideal onto me is pointless, because my end goal is not your end goal. Most people want a few things: comfort, prestige,money, and legacy. Oh and sex, but let's exclude that for now. And people I want that too, but I don't. I couldn't care less about legacy because I'll be dead, so so fucking what. I don't care about prestige because people find many reasons not to like you, or to like you, and I don't want that to be why I am interesting or someone to be around, is because of what I've done, or the last thing, my money.

People see in me what they would see in anyone else in my position who wasn't me. That invalidates their position because they are judging me on a scale that is no applicable to me. That would like if I was a dog and there was a cat in front of me. If I don't attack the cat, everyone will think I'm a failure, see? I don't care about attacking the cat, my values are different. Maybe I want to go lick my butt, I don't know, but just because I don't do the one thing that you want me to do, or do it fast enough, doesn't make me a failure. It just makes me something you can't possibly understand. And people want to be able to understand things easily. Put something incomprehensible in front of them and they will deny it's viability because they can't understand it.

I don't want the same things as you. If we switched roles, there is a possibility I wouldn't do what you would do. If you judge people, judge them on their actions and their words, not their inaction or the lacking of pleasing you. The next time you see someone and think "What a waste, they could have done so much" examine what mechanisms make you think that is the clear plan for everyone, not just what you personally hold dear.

Dating

I don't know what makes me different in this area than others. I know I'm not the only and it's a frequent trait among the "minority". This whole courting, dating, and mating ritual that we have nowadays. It seems to me that relationships of that sort are just filler for some.... reason or another that is not directly tied to the individual they choose. People look at it like a necessity, like a job or a car or a home. Like if you don't have one, there's something wrong with YOU. Could be evolutionary, could be social norms, I don't know. But we have left the arranged marriages and brides as peace offerings and bribes (at least in the West). Instead, we have this culture who is obsessed with who is sleeping with who. It's so hardwired and ingrained into people that it's not even a thought to consider why they think it's such a negative attribute, it would go against people's logic.

If it weren't so stigmatized, our culture and scientific progress would greatly advance. It holds us back, it's biology, simple instincts. Maybe I have this particular viewpoint because I am solitary, I believe people are burdens that get in the way of progress, individuals get in the way of YOUR progress. People drop good jobs, good opportunities, all because of some fake emotional bond that can be replaced in a week. Human ignorance and selfishness will always rule out in competition with reason and logic. I'm not proposing a business model that everyone should follow, just that chasing romance like it's some kind of goal is the wrong way to go about it..... for long lasting love and attraction that is. They spend all their time, when single, chasing it, they forget that sometimes, things come to you. Don't think these a musings from a loser, I have.... moderate appeal in this area. But that's just it. I'm not looking for a role holder or something to screw to give me some kind of arbitrary meaning. If I happen to find someone that I click with and love enough for that, fantastic. But I certainly won't chase it, not for society, not for biology, not for loyalty and not for honor. Maybe I achieve greatness someday and people see my example, one can only hope. But if it's being a pariah versus sharing a bed with brainless troglodytes, guess I fulfill my satisfaction for a solitary existence.

Knowing Vs. Hoping

There's a lot of things about this world I don't like. I don't like how corruption is prevalent in any hierarchical structure, especially with one vast enough to encompass thousands of employees (I'm not an advocate of smaller government, though). I don't like how romanticized ideals of how romantic relationships should go, and when that fades, everyone accepts that it was inevitable. I don't like the idea that pricks seem to be the most ahead in life, but squander it more than others. I don't like how you have to choose between been successful (rather, being perceived as successful and accomplishing a lot) and living a life you want (for those who lives don't revolve around their work). I don't like the fact that faith is lauded in the face of evidence and reasoned arguments. I don't like that some truths and facts that seem like basic ideas to me, escape those wiser or smarter than me. I don't like the best of our kind doesn't feel like they are worth anything, because they don't conform to the ideal set forth. There are a lot of things about this world I do not like, but accept these things as fact. Just because you don't like something doesn't make it not true. It's a sentiment I see a lot from people, where if they just ignore a problem, it no longer exists.

People need to understand the reality we live in. Things about human nature, social behavior, etc. We've conquered the planet, now we need to conquer our own understanding of ourselves. I wish I could see if these behaviors are solely attributed to human beings, or if they are sentient qualities. What I wouldn't give to know such answers. But I don't and, as much as I don't like something, it doesn't make it not true. Does accepting these things make me bitter? Perhaps.  The optimistic often seem hopeful, right? They *hope* things get better or something will happen. Most hope that a higher power intervenes, which is the most pointless thing in the world, because hoping non-existent creatures intervene is hoping against knowing. I see the world as it is, as reality has been demonstrated to me in all my experiences. And all this shit is now becoming too predictable.

God: Unknowable Variable; People: Knowable Asshats

I always hear this from the Christians "Don't judge Christianity on the interpretation of people" which is stupid, because they turn right around and call Islam evil because of al-Qaeda, Taliban, and Hamas. That generally hypocrisy is too obvious to point out. But what I say is that, okay so we can't know if a god exists, what he wants, how he judges, etc. We can't know about God, but we can know about the people who follow. My contention with religion is not that it is unprovable and nobody should follow, it's the acts that are carried out (and sanctioned by military powers) in the name of it. Did the Crusades prove or disprove God? No, it proved that religious fanatics are assholes. Take any organization. Would you judge it solely on its leader and that's it? What if you judged countries solely on their leaders? Would that make any sense?

I don't care what it says in the sacred texts or what the leaders profess or what they say God put into our morality. It's about what people do either because of or justify because of it. Hell, if people killed because of a Care Bear book, I would hate that, even though it says positive things. Qu'ran, Bible, Torah, whatever your brand of crazy religion is, it's not what it says, it's what people do because of it.

Tribe Mentality

People like to group themselves together, by virtually anything. Race, nationality, spoken language, ideology, or even the weakest form, biological ties. I can't stand this tribe mentality where people don't have to be accountable for anything, it's only a matter of which tribe you belong to. "Doesn't matter if he did anything wrong, he's my brother (tribe member)" it's stupid, irresponsible and only promotes divisive hatred and abhorrence. I keep saying this, people are stupid. On a whole. Individuals can be smart, but society as a whole, is irresponsible, stupid, emotional, and any other negative aspect I can tact on to this. It's only by the grace of smarter individuals who separate themselves from the common rabble who push us forward.

Liberal Commie Rant

I hear all this talk from the right (and some from the left too) about big government and how we should reign in big government spending. If any of those sitting congressman voted for earmarks or "junk" amendments in bills, they should shut the fuck up, no matter how much it cost. They attribute this to Obama, like before him, the government was very meager and small, and that each state was its own colony or something. It's really pathetic, considering the expansion of the government by Bush, in the name of "defending freedoms".  I always wonder what Gore would have done if he was president instead. Would we have invaded Afghanistan? It's probable. Would we have invaded Iraq? Hell no. Haha, expanding the government..... who blew up the budget for TWO conflicts? It seems that the people who are screaming "STOP BIG GOVERNMENT" think that the world would be something like the world of Equilibrium. The government can be the regulators, the refs to make sure the corporations aren't cutting corners for bigger profits. Fucking hell, that's why we have checks and balances and freedom of speech.

Also, I want to ask these people who say Obama is taking away their freedoms (not like Bush who took away your Fourth Amendment rights, or what the conservatives are now saying we should abolish the 14th Amendment), which freedoms is he taking away? It's not a trick gotcha question, I am genuinely curious which rights and freedoms he's taking away. If anything, he's giving MORE freedoms. Although, on healthcare, he basically let the insurance companies get between you and your doctor. OMG, I said it! Really, people get denied coverage for the dumbest shit and you say Obama would decide who gets healthcare or not? If you are angry with Obama on that he *might* have done, you had better be pissed as hell that the insurance companies are *actually* doing it. And on government spending, what is he supposed to do? If he had a sack on him and really cared about spending, he would cut the defense budget in half, at least. I never understood the concept "fight them over there so they don't come over here". What, like a presence in those countries won't drive them to OTHER countries and even here. How do you tell a Taliban from a normal citizen? You have to work at the root problem, which is recruitment, not an entire people.

Back to spending, this stupid free market "the markets will regulate themselves" is BULLSHIT. Imagine a football game without refs. You would have linebackers taking off the quarterback's head and it's the same in the financial market. Straight socialism doesn't work, straight capitalism doesn't work, so you have to find a balance between the two. And also, capitalism and socialism aren't mutually exclusive. You can have a government with deep social programs and still have the private sector, coinciding. It's the fringe people who have a vested interest in keeping the people ignorant, angry, and fearful of complex ideas they can't understand, that is keeping this country polarized. Oh, and by the way, I am glad Prop 8 was overturned because the people are WRONG. Popular opinion doesn't always mean it's right. A straight majority rules system would be disastrous and dangerous for everyone.

"Get a Life"

Anyone who utters this seriously is, at least close-minded, and at best, dangerous depending on how they act upon saying that. We all think that there is one way to live and that's the only way, and if it's a way we like, we assume everyone who doesn't live that way, WANTS to live that way. This is best seen from the invasion of Iraq, the excuse we are "giving" them democracy, because we can't imagine a way to live without it. People live their lives on very different basis. Some people live their lives on the basis of religion and adhering to those beliefs. Some live to make the most money, even that can be separated to those who do it to support their families (i.e. lower class) or just for the pure love of being rich and blowing money. Some live based on what they can best do for humanity, while others want to live selfishly and just do things that are fun to them (i.e. partiers). Some live to learn as much as they can or some just live, with varying degrees of all of these lifestyles. The next time you hear "get a life", just think of all the lives that ignorant moron can't conceive of.

Distractions

"Life is pain" is not only an emo cliche, it actually makes sense. Much of our lives consist of taking some sort of risk with as close as a gain equivalent to the risk. Like going to work or school. I'm positive that the majority of people would want to skip those parts and just reap the benefits, but obviously this is impossible, or more often times, the closest thing to that is illegal. So we bear these responsibilities for the gains we get - work = money and school = opportunities for work. Also, let me state  I'm not in this camp of my profession defining me. Maybe if I had more opportunities, I would be much prouder of a profession to ascribe that label to me, but as it stands, I do not.

We do what we have to to live. Most people who have blue collar or jobs that are menial or not specialized don't often enjoy their work. So to ease their stressful mind off of not living the life they want, they must have distractions. Things that generally make them forget or that override that foreboding feeling. I found now, even as I am temporarily living the life where I choose my activities, day to day (not on any government welfare program, just chose not to partake in our "great" capitalist system and instead, saved my money for this time) and although I still am conscious of the responsibilities coming soon, it's generally off my mind as it is far off, yet I find myself still getting distressed at things, little things. Things I can't necessarily explain, but they had a bad mood, just a dreadful feeling. As long as I continue to remember that I have this awful emotion, not remembering the particular thing that invoked it, just the feeling, it will perpetuate. Distractions do help.

If you are brought down, find a way to temporarily bring you out of the routine in which caused the bad mood. Distract.

Purgatory

Ever since I became self aware at 16, I've always this vision of how the afterlife would truly be if it were possible. And no, I call on no divine being to dream it up for us, nor is this even spiritual or religious (or emotional). The one thing that has been a problem with me for a long time is that my conscious and my subconscious - "conscience" if you will - are constantly at war. See, I do have a morality that was taught to me and that I learned, that through cooperation, we achieve 'x' times more progression than alone (x = how many people are involved). But I also know that I cannot live for the group, that I have to do things in my best interest, and my best interests, especially in the long term, are not that of the group's best interest. So that causes a short of riff between the waking me you see everyday and the other side that surfaces when my conscious mind is too busy or is "out". Anyway, on the afterlife.

I think that the thing that would cause this afterlife is nothing more than our own minds and imaginations. Using the first law of thermodynamics (matter and energy cannot be created or destroyed), I am inferring that consciousness cannot be destroyed, but changes into something else. To deal with this new change (and subsequent lack of a physical presence), it goes back to its life on Earth.
Basically, I think that, if you led a good and virtuous life, you will imagine up a paradise where all your friends and family live or what have you. Your mind will be "pure", as dictated by itself, and therefore you will want to reward yourself, as a result. Conversely, if you had a lot of regret and guilt over the things you did, you may enter a sort of nightmare world, filled with things to punish yourself with. Either way, you get the consequence you feel you deserved. I think I came to this conclusion after hearing "At least I can sleep at night" too many times. Could you ever do so much wrong as you deprive yourself of sleep or food, in some cases? Not consciously, but subconsciously, your body taking cues from your "conscience". I think it's a fair question and whether or not this is a possibility for the afterlife, I don't know.

I'm sure I'm not the first person to think this up and maybe somewhere, there is an actual name for this idea, maybe it's in a book or something. But think about it.

I Hate Hot Chicks: Partie Trois

I recently came into contact with a "hot chick" and most of my assumptions based on a purely observational perspective seem to ring true. I don't know how it is for the rest of them, but this one lived in a bubble, she didn't see that her life was affected negatively or positively by her condition. Although based on her actions, I am led to believe that she is, in fact, an anomaly, but still present was a lack of a personality (or not fully formed personality), a clear sense of entitlement and rejection of a reality that was not consistent with which the one she wanted, and an air-headed like state. It was through my interactions that I realized that it does more than affect one's confidence - it fundamentally changes the way a person thinks and how they are treated. It's like they are a different race, literally. Ha, and if it was a race, well, you can call me a racist. I'm just amazed, it literally doesn't matter outside of their appearance of attractiveness. I'm not saying they are all stupid, but there's... a lack of three-dimensional being. They can be intelligent, they can be scientists and entrepreneurs or whatever, but there's just something about it that doesn't allow them to fully experience all of thinking. It's hard to explain, as you can see.

Now I want to break down MY definitions of beautiful and "hot". Beauty, as they say, IS in the eye of the beholder. It's a completely subjective thing, not beholden to any standard than outside of one's perception. However "hot" is much different. I can't explain hot, I can't explain how someone is hot or what makes them hot, but we all know what "hot" is. We all know these really attractive "hot" people, we can, even if not entirely consciously, we can identify them with nothing more than a glance. Beautiful, like I said, could be anything. One person who I would find beautiful, another would not. But we both would find a hot person.... well, hot. It's an indication of genetics and healthiness, that's an inherently sought after trait that we might not even be aware of. But one thing is certain - beautiful girls are beautiful .... but I DO hate hot chicks.

The Me, I, and You

What makes you you? What characteristics are distinct to your personality? I've never gotten this sort of sense of self-definition, moral or values, etc. That's not like selfishness or looking out for one's own best interest, I get that very easily. Like Christians for instance, their values and ideals tend not to change for long periods of time, their very views and opinions don't seem to change. Maybe it's a personality thing, the type that draws them to this logic. My main point about this is, there is no you.  You are a product of genetics, your environment, your parental guidance and ultimately, just a victim of events of consequence and chance. It's hard to reconcile this with your ego, say there is no you, only a canvas that, because of the colors aligned in a certain way, makes that distinct picture (artist analogy, but frankly if you didn't get that, you probably won't understand any of this post, so why am I bothering to write this?).

It's like logic that says Christians are only Christians because they were brought up in a culture in which the spooky religious, spiritual, communal tradition is that of Christianity... predominantly. If they lived in a predominantly Muslim culture, or Buddhist culture, or Hindi culture, and so on.

What forms consciousness? This questions ultimately are only good for "food for thought" as they say, as either way they go, it has no impact on any lives. So if we're just blank cattle, so what? And if we truly are individuals within our communities.... so what? I've often pondered the question that if you could take the same exact same set of genes and "raise" them in every culture, to see what the results would be. Would there be characteristics that are unique enough to be called distinct across all incarnations of these genes, or would they all be different? There is absolutely no way to do this experiment, as raising a child is not just a culture, it's also the parents, people, economic situation, etc. It's fun to think about. Think of the core of you. What experience, if any, made you who you are? I come from a very unique situation... my memory, conscious memory anyway (just when I don't focus on remembering), is absolutely atrocious, so I tend to forget my positions on certain issues, maybe that makes me more susceptible to other viewpoints because I'm essentially a fairly blank state to begin with. But for "normal" people with normal functioning memories, why do you people stay the same for so long? I change every 6 months or so, on at least 30-40% of whatever I'm thinking, priorities, what's important, etc. I couldn't imagine holding the same views on something before and after hearing a lot of evidence on it. We don't learn everything at once, we take lots of information from different sources, just boggles me that anyone who keeps up with the times would remain stagnant in views and opinions.

Anyway, the events around us make us different and unique, we have no intrinsic uniqueness... unless you believe in an intelligent creator.

Destroying Complacency

While I was in Comic Con, I seen a lot of people. A lot of different varieties of this human brand. As I walked onto the floor (the exhibition floor), as it was cluttered with bodies, I thought.... how easy would it be to walk in with a briefcase bomb, set it, slide it under a table and walk out? Before you think I'm an evil bastard, just set aside your morality. Everyone likes to shake things up, everyone likes drama. Everyone likes variety. The September attacks on the WTC in 2001, I really enjoyed that. Look at the backlash of what a handful of regular people did. It sent the world into a panic. It did sooo much. Even now, it's so grand, people think it's a government conspiracy. As much as I abhor their motives, I like their actions. You can't talk and make things different, you have to do things. Blowing up the SDCC would rattle a lot of cages. I'm sure I would be caught, they would investigate the attendees who survived and I'd probably leave the smallest of trails but enough to be picked up. But I would change something.

Imagine politicians, fuck, imagine Mr. Change Obama. What has he done? Nothing, or.. rather, I should say, very little. But what could a vigilante do? What could a handful of Arabs do? More than the fucking president of the most powerful nation. THAT'S the power of action. Bureaucracy be damned.

Unconcious Preference Vs. Conscious Choice

Sometimes, I think about all the things in life that we choose. Professions, friends, things to do, things to buy, things NOT to buy, the life you want to lead. In a perfect world, every single thing we do would be driven by a conscious choice that we make. But it's not. The first thing we have no control over, I think anyway, is morality. For a lot of people, morality is not a thought, it's just... what it is. Morality is a tenuous thing, but to people like me, morality and logic must be in balance. For most, it is not.
Also, the things we like.... they aren't always a conscious thing that we think about. I think, depending on how our childhood went, we will automatically like certain things versus others, because of nostalgia. You like it simply because of a memory, not for what it is. It is preferenced.

Another thing is intimate friends, people with whom you share very intimate details of your life, opening them up to scrutiny. One would think it's a choice, you choose the best candidates, but this isn't true. For the most part, this is in regards to romantic relationships, where there are constant breakups because of one of the party's errors, possibly on purpose and not in favor of the mutual relationship. Why does the opposing party accept them back? Outside of desperation, there isn't a conscious choice there. It's an unconscious preference based on..... well, it's individual in every case and even then, hard to spot. But things just go right for some reason, so the opposing parties joins ties again. So do we choose? Can we choose? Does it even matter?
I don't think we do choose, I think it's preference, it's something our psyche or conscience or whatever decides and slowly manipulates our conscious decision-making brain to accept it and rationalize it.

I'll be honest, this is a bit depressing. Not that people lie, but you can't know if there is some unconscious preference they have for you or if it's "genuine". Just another thing to make life that more complicated.

Cosmological Struggle: Bible Is Just Propaganda Against Satan

What if Satan and Yahweh are not who they seem? What if Satan was not a fallen angel, but, like Yahweh, a creator of sorts? It seems in lot of the dead religions, good versus evil had equal forces, thus both could exist separately. That is not the case with Christianity, Yahweh allows Satan to exist and be evil.... for whatever purpose, but that's not the point of this. What if they are just two sides of the same coin?
Here's my idea:

Now, firstly, I don't know how they came about, but I'll assume there was a whole race of people like Yahweh and Satan, who for the purposes of this story has the exact same powers as Yahweh, and that they either died out or are given divisions above "garden" or life sustaining planets of inferior and primitive species. Satan and Yahweh were given Earth to have domain over. Now, with this theory I can't explain much..... but I'll just do the Christian thing and say that my finite, limited, mortal brain can't even possibly conceive of the glory of Yahweh and Satan. What I want to focus on here is the book and how it intentionally treats Satan as an inferior creature, even though he has the opposite "job" of God and that's maintaining Hell (personally, I think that, in the context of the accepted idea of God, he just couldn't be bothered with the upkeep in Hell, especially since he's used to dealing with the very exclusive ELITIST club of Heaven). It's just propaganda.

See, they say Hell is an evil place where you will burn for eternity and is hot and basically appeals to the fears and emotions of the weak-minded. Fire, which was still a remarkable discovery in those days, is magical and symbolizes burning and the pain that goes along with it. Also of the most excruciating pain you've ever felt..... without saying how or why. Yet it's infinite, we cannot die, but pain is basically "killing" the body, so this doesn't make sense. But I digress. What if it's just Yahweh writing propaganda against his competitor? You see this between the same businesses in a particular region. Attack ads and such. The duties of Satan, maybe they don't allow for him to speak to people or interact, thus Yahweh can make him seem as he pleases.

Also, look at what God has you do to get into Heaven. I bet 95% percent of Christians won't get in, at least 30% on ONE mistake, alone. All that praying and praising and preaching..... to an egotistical maniac. And when you get there, you're the only person you know there! Yet what are the qualifications for going to Hell? Doing stuff, taking risks, making advancements, fuck, even enjoying life will get you there. What if Hell merely symbolizes reality as we know it? What if Hell is just another "club" like Heaven? Ha, even on the occupants alone, I'd rather be in Hell than Heaven. But notice how first, Hell is not descript, just described as an appeal to emotion, also the huuuuuge list of things NOT to do to get into Heaven, and also how many of your friends and family most likely, won't make it to the Yahweh's jerkfest in the clouds.

Bonus note: What if Satan corrupted the message of Heaven? I mean, the qualifications are impossible to be held, by a mortal, normal being but he couldn't just say Hell is cool, maybe that would be breaking some cosmological pact that the deities made. Instead he has to vaguely say how bad Hell is to sort of equal it out.

Hmmm, something to think about.

Aesthetics Vs. Practicality

One of the major differences that separate man from the rest of nature is our emphasis on aesthetics, on things looking or being presented in a certain way. Literally, things just looking, sounding, basically everything involved with the presentation as being more than the actual substance, itself. One of the most common examples you'll recognize, for all the girls, is the emphasis on "looking good". Makeup, hair, fashionable clothing and shoes, merely looking right, with little to do on the substance (i.e. your mind). Another example is looking fat as opposed to being healthy. If you look skinny, then you aren't fat, but a fat person running a mile straight is still less "in shape" than the skinny guy who cannot run a mile straight. It's this obsession that, of course, I disagree with. But you can account for my bias because my presentation of my personal appearance is significantly less than that of my peers. "Looks are everything" a motto for every young generation. I see the appeal because it is less effort to assert something to looking good, as opposed to it actually being good.

Think about the daily bits of your life. How much of it is based on superficial aesthetics, as opposed to less effort but it be visually unappealing? It's shocking how much is pure looks.

Art & Classical Music

I never understood art. Just to be absolutely clear, I'm not talking about it in its broadest sense, just classical art, I suppose, sculptures, art museums, art galleries, that sort of thing. It's just an object, it's just some.... thing. No value at all, it's something that can't be used for any practical purpose, it's entirely worthless, in my opinion. I mean, for paintings and sculptures, you look at it and then what? It's gone, out of your mind.. or at least, out of my mind. While I'm a fan of interpretation (because the mind is so vast and unique, two people could see the same thing and see two different things, all about perception) but people selling art for all this vast sort of money, just to say you're "cultured"? No, it's completely pointless to me. Especially abstract art. Throw a bunch of splotches of paint on a canvas and make me interpret it? Hell no, paint something with value, with a message, and then I might pay attention. All that classic art... it's boring, pretentious, and pointless.

Classical music is much the same, but audibly, of course. Someone told me that classical, you just "feel" it, the tones, the scales, the instruments. I just don't see it like that. There's no message. And any message in the songs or chords or whatever, you have to look it up, you can't hear it through the song. Once again, it's a matter of being "cultured". I don't feel the need to inflate my importance, by saying I appreciate art and classical, because I don't. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about emotions in songs (and even without intelligible lyrics, such as Ag20 by Blood Stain Child, that's a song I "feel"), but I guess my perception is different. Metal pleases my ears, gives me all the satisfaction from music that I want. Also I have a bone to pick with those people who say "I like all kinds of music" but in a different post.

Art and classical have no value, but due to their longevity (for whatever reason), they have become the bastion for intellectual pretentiousness, for just having the "cultured" banner. I think it's a load of crap and the social and financial gain is all that is benefited, two things I don't give a shit about.

Why Religion Should Be Mocked

I often take a lot of crap from people - atheists and theists alike - that I should "respect" religion more. Well, I don't because it doesn't fit into my morals or values. Same thing with family. The majority of people would put some sort of bond or connection to their other family members, because of "blood". But why? They share genetic lineage but what else? A lot of people's values and morals -especially traditionalists- comes from some law or way of living in the past that has no bearing on now. For instance, marriage widely came about from warring tribes making alliances, or an ensured genetic heritage for a man, which had a lot more value then than in modern culture. Hell, love was put into it later, much later, from the English. I'm not going to go into each little tradition, but you get my point. You have to live with the times and in today's world - quote "age of reason" - religion is losing more and more creditability. Let's use the family analogy. You look at your mother - your religion - with fondness because of it's all you ever know. But to me, your mother - your brand of fairy tale - is just another ordinary, insignificant human to me.

You have your brand of highly improbably circumstances, yet you think because so many people fawn over the ever-lasting life and "morality" taught, that it should be respected as a creditable idea? That's insane. Flying Spaghetti Monster is exactly a good example of what I'm talking about. Theists will laugh and scoff at that being a credible idea, but go back to their brand of Bronze Age fairy tales, like it's gospel (quite literally!) and have absurd claims to back it up.

I don't respect religion because I wouldn't respect a church of Dr. Seuss or the Congregation of Mother Goose. They're fables and imaginative stories created at a time before knowledge was able to spread, en masse, and a lot of the advances we know today, were not. Or some, like Scientology, are intentionally put out just malicious take advantage of people, while I think most in Christianity or Islam maybe not, as that is far more "spiritually" driven. I find the notion absurd because they didn't have the explorers, philosophers, scientists, and the knowledge we have gained in the 2000 years since is so extraordinary, you cannot even fathom what life was like back then. To actually live it.

I will continue to mock and laugh at Christianity, Islam, Scientology, Hinduism and any other religion that preaches whimsical stories for profit or power. They're fucking absurd stories, people. If you can't understand that, there's no need for me to acknowledge you as any kind of equal being to myself, intellectually.

Friends, Part Two

A whole year since the last post I made on that - rather unbelievable - and a lot of things have changed in terms of that. I lost a lot and gained a few, it's a back and forth game.  My opinions have changed slightly on it, too. I no longer harbor a grudge against those who want a lot of friends or who have it. The circumstances could be different, it's not always the same reasons, nor is the content of their friends necessarily relevant. Let me clarify. The nature of the relationship shouldn't, the intent or motive of why friends are friends shouldn't matter, but who their friend is. At least, that should be more of the focus. But on to real matters.

I'm not above communicating or gaining such relationships any more because I can gain something from everyone, whether it's knowledge, insight, or even some influence or financial gain. As long as it doesn't get personal. As long as certain..... boundaries aren't crossed. I have my personal crowd - which is a select few - and I have my business crowd (not literal business, but in how I regard them).

Also, whenever it seems I want to give up on the game, someone comes along and changes my mind. Just when I lose all hope in you silly humans, I get a reminder that you all aren't as hypocritical, stupid, arrogant, ignorant, emotional, and narrow-minded as I thought. Most are, but some aren't. I think once that personal barrier is breached, it's hard to go back and sometimes, losses are incurred and things just need to..... end. But I don't believe it will always have to be that way. Okay, it's crap to say people don't change and that people do change, because both are true, in a manner of speaking. I feel I have changed a lot, especially since part one of this, but at the same time, I'm still the heartless, "confident" (although some may use other less endearing terms), smart, and logical bastard I was then. It's hard to say, especially when emotions and feelings get involved and I thought that I could get away from all that, reap all the rewards and incur none of the downsides. Things don't work like that. What's the phase, can't live with them, can't live without them. I need the realness, the absence of bullshit that I get from nearly no one.

Conclusion: whether you like it or not, you need friends, you need that closeness, it's all very necessary towards living with any kind of fulfillment. It's just picking the right people to have that with. Thankfully, I think I'm starting to get it and starting to choose the right people.

Ashamed and Disgusted

I noticed today that someone I once held in the highest regard, reduced to such.... boring normality, it disgusted me. Despite everything that has happened between this person and I, I regarded them as unique, unconventional, daring to be different. But the game of life gets to everywhere and everyone plays, all the same. Becoming mindless and.... average. It just reminds me that everyone thinks that being different is someone a rebellious kid notion, that everyone "grows up" and grows out of it. Call me immature, but I don't want to be like that. I want to say things that challenges people's preconceived conventions, challenge the conventional and just say a big fuck you to the boring repetition that people call lives.

People really think they have to play in this game. While it's true you have to have certain elements - college degrees, good jobs, functional business appearance - that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself, who you are and become p.c. It's just so disheartening, and especially if I thought you were once unique, but you sold out to appease others or make life easier for you or more tolerable, you lose massive respect from me. You fucking be yourself, no matter what else. Seeing this kind of degradation.... it makes me think of the memories and now they are tainted with this stink of hypocrisy. Not many people is willing to live like me, say the things that I say, do things that I do, and I'm partially glad for that. But disheartened that beautiful, unique mind is now absolute shit. Ha, my only reward is this person will never have any kind of happiness, or rather peace with themselves, while they live this lie.

American, British, and Ukranian Politics and Ethics

Congressional sessions in America follow a relatively boring path of voting, speeches, occasional bouts of dispute, and usually a Republican saying something completely ridiculous. But it's nice, oh it's so very nice and pleasant and polite. Parliamentary sessions in the UK are a bit.... rowdy, with more direct words and much more of an emphasis on embarrassing or tarnishing the opposition's name. But they even have been topped.

A recent parliamentary session in the Ukraine over the extension of a Russian base in one of their cities was up and apparently stirred up a lot of emotions. As you see in the article, they are committing pretty violent acts, at least, those of a professional legislative branch of a country. While I think that's going a bit too far, I do think American politics can take a bit from this.

First off, this polite nonsense, at least from the Democrats, is just too detached from the real issues. And the one time you use a bit of actual rules to enforce and play the political game, they reel back like they've been shot in the gut. British politics has it right, too, but we need to fix OUR system. There's too many polite gestures and too "favors" being put into play here.

I believe in just saying what you need to say. I think, as a whole, Americans are getting soft. We've been at the top so long, we are used to comforts. We are used to other nations bending to our will, dominating the world in armed services, at least, not to mention the Hollywood and internet cultures. And we can no longer take proper criticism. If our senators, those in charge of legislating and making the rules, can't handle a bit of criticism, and I would go about ten times farther, then they are either too weak or are exploiting the "politeness" to stray the conversation away.

My Problem With The Judeo-Christian God

This is just a personal piece, filled with why I don't like the aforementioned deity.


To start off with, if he exists, he has rigged the system against people like me. He is omnipotent, sees all, past, present, and future. He already knows what decisions I'll make, what I'll believe and what it will take to make me believe. He created me, knowing full well that I would never accept him as reality because of his perchant for skewing his own believability by having so much evidence stacked against him and yet, not even close enough for him. He knows that I won't believe without enough evidence and has set me up to fail, no matter what! That's the move of a sadistic, cruel asshole. He, instead, rewards blind obedience and faith based on feelings, emotions, and selfish desires. If you believe that you are going to heaven to spend eternity in paradise, that is selfish. That means you will forgo doing the necessary things to ensure that everyone else will have stable real lives. Think of the benefits of abortion, condoms, and other forms of birth control, fuck, population control. That alone makes you selfish. And if you are for those positions, by God's standards, you're going to Hell. Great choice for a benevolent God, eh?

Next point is Hell. You steal a candy bar, you pay a small fine for your transgression. You rob a store at gunpoint, you take a much harsher punishment as the punishment fit the crime, by human standards. Could you possibly see a finite crime used to judge us for eternity, in punishment? Much less, simply "thinking" bad thoughts? What kind of God, LOVING at that, would set up such a system where you would have eternal torment, based on a finite crime? Hell, even the Greeks didn't have a system that fucked up. Then of course, this goes back to my previous point of God setting up people like me to fail and spending an eternity in hell.

Last point, I think it's kind of silly of us every knowing just what God wants or what he could possibly be like. Don't you find it a little convenient that we happen to know JUST what is bad and what is not, in his eyes? It goes back to an original post of mine (The Human Perception), that you cannot attribute human qualities to God and still call him mysterious. I think the deist position is more likely, if anything. Sure, there *might* be a divine being, but as limited humans, mere playthings, could be we ever hope to understand? I doubt it. We just have to leave it up to chance, because with all the choices of different religions, it's just a choice, usually based on your regional preference among your indigenous tribe.

Final thoughts: if God did exist, he has long abandoned us. While, in the golden years of the Old Testament, he was talking to everyone "Hey, Samuel.... what's up? I'm kinda bored now", now he has erased all pure evidence to his very existence, signaling to me, he either doesn't want to be found or he isn't quite the god we all know him as.

Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion

That was a quote from the founder of the Church of Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard.
I don't think it's fair to hate on Christianity alone, so I thought I would look deeper into the pseudo religion of Scientology (Islam, YOU'RE NEXT!). And what I found was shocking.

The year is 2005. Widely famous actor Tom Cruise is on the Oprah show, promoting War of The Worlds, when in a fit of passion, leaps on the couch exclaiming his love for his drone, Katie Holmes. I heard about this, thought nothing of it. Cruise who was normally composed in interviews in the past years, has been looking more and more crazy. He was on the Today show later that year, debating against psychiatry, as "there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance in a body". Of course, I thought this was hilarious. Research and science has proved that that the human body is riddled with chemicals and an odd mix due to genetics is bound to occur. Shaking my head again, I thought nothing of it.
Then later that year, I seen the now notorious Scientology episode of South Park. This is the first time I have heard of this and thought it was a joke. The way they described it, I thought it was a parody. Even the "THIS IS REALLY WHAT THEY BELIEVE" flashing on the screen, I STILL thought it was parody. Over the years, I have heard various things about them, but nothing substantial. Until I found out someone I knew was one. The language they spoke of it was very.... entrancing. It wasn't a personal way of telling, it was talking points (A talking point is a neologism for an idea which may or may not be factual, usually compiled in a short list with summaries of a speaker's agenda for public or private engagements. Public relations professionals, for example, sometimes prepare "talking points memos" for their clients to help them more effectively conform public presentations with this advice). I didn't even know Scientology talking points, but I knew political talking points and they sounded just the same. I recognized the arrogant delivery.

This is when I wanted to start on this, find out what it is. One need not look long before you see an indoctrination about a million times less subtle than the typical Christian's. And then after that you see the mafia-esque - tax fraud, bribing and intimidating the authorities, wiretapping members and dissenters, extortion, calling the works of those who defected aptly named "suppressive" (which is a term they use for anyone who is openly against the church, including ex-members), making false legal claims, etc. This isn't buried knowledge or hearsay. And it's definitely not isolated. It is ingrown into the society, itself.

Next, their ideology. Fuck it, I'll just copy from Wikipedia

Xenu, also Xemu was, according to the founder of Scientology and science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard, the dictator of the "Galactic Confederacy" who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of his people to Earth in a DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs. Official Scientology dogma holds that the essences of these many people remained, and that they form around people in modern times, causing them spiritual harm. Members of the Church of Scientology widely deny or try to hide the Xenu story.

That pretty much sums up that. Hubbard was a SCIENCE FICTION WRITER. I mean, once you hit this part of it, you should see that it's just tacked on to give it religious validity, even though it's complete nonsense. Like I said, it was his intent to create original material to entertain the public and that's what he did.

 Now there is auditing, probably the biggest farce and scam and oddly enough, probably it's biggest draw. Okay, so a "thetan" is a spirit sort of creature that never dies, apparently, and goes in search of a baby in the womb after death. This spirit creature records all the experiences of it's "owners" and is sort of a tablet for memory. Thus, through this psycho hypnotic therapy session, known as auditing (which they themselves refuse from the IRS, go figure), you can recall past events of your life as a thetan. To the lamen, this is intriguing. It's identical to reincarnation, except they just gave the spirit of a scifi name and the ability to remember...... which you can through therapy sessions too. Basically, this where Hubbard got a bit lazy and just stole the entire reincarnation thing for himself.
To someone like myself, who is familiar with the human brain (or at least, the mental aspect of it), it's seen as trickery. People are creative. It's just in our very being, to create elaborate tales for entertainment. Look at religion. It has existed ever since man has and wonder why? Auditing only gives people the reason to think up elaborate stories. There is only one way to prove auditing and thetans. Get someone who lived a past life, with full details of that person's life which they could not know. Say a Californian businessman with the memories of 1920s hooker in Brooklyn, which we could go back and track exactly what he said. Do they do that? No. If they did, do you not think they would publish that in some medical journal in a heartbeat? Obviously they would, it would give them validity amongst the science community and the world. Why WOULDN'T they do that? Because it all is a farce.

They also attack psychiatry, as a means to discredit their competitors to their "You can make yourself feel better if you just think it". Didn't work when Peter Pan suggested it, it isn't going to work now. And they blame those among their members who are sick. They cloud people's minds who could be getting proper treatment, much like Christians and praying, except worse.

Finally, the things that Scientologists say to reference or read up on their "religion". They lure in the weak with simple questions, make them seem like they need the help of the church to fix them, then offer ways of trickery to coerce buying their material. And they, of course, tell you to read the books, look on the website, which completely over complicates things and is intended to show that the person is not adequately able to handle all the material and some get impressed by it. This is not an adequate way of representing your beliefs. Any atheist you talk to will instantly tell you of his beliefs, his thoughts, his "religious" stances. Hell, even a Christian would. But when even the most knowledgeable Scientologist, who are really into, would STILL reference you to the website, that tells you a lot right there.

There's more I can say. But I am already repulsed at this point. Had they had the history of the Christianity, I no doubt think more and worse atrocities would have been committed and WILL be committed. But I think this video sums up my opinion on Scientology, as well as the video producer in the clip.
Also, I read a 19 year old TIME article on it. Check it out as well, as well as anything I said. Just look into it and if there's anyone you know in it, get them out and get them help.

Essential Experiences

I sometimes feel like missing out on those experiences was a bad thing, almost a potentially life-threatening thing. No matter how they turn out, everyone who goes through the rounds seems at least well adjusted and adaptive. My future is bleak because I avoided everything, saw fit to exclude all of it from my life because of unnecessaries, fear, or just plain laziness. But the one thing that fills me is the fact that I won't be like them

I don't look for the normal life. I don't want it. Every human experiences the same thing, go through the same rounds, to the point of utter repetition. And for what? "I did it too". Is that all you have? I just don't see it. I want a different set of circumstances and experiences. And maybe living my life in negatives rather than positives is none so great, either. I don't know what I want, but I know what I DON'T want. Strange how things turn out... I just want to be different. I want to tell my story at 60 to some youngster and change his life. I want to live and be all the things that normal people cannot, because of responsibilities, obligations, family, romance, friendships and just things in general people want to do (like owning property). I don't want to fucking relate to any of you. All of you are boring. Your lives drift on and you could be replaced in a micro second. I yearn to be different, if nothing else then to discover what it's like to live out of favor. I can learn all I want about living in favor by listening to all of you.

Bill Maher: Don't screw with our prom!

"Conservatives have to stop complaining about Hollywood values. It's the Oscars this weekend, which means two things, one, I've got to get waxed, and two, talkradio hosts and conservative columnists will trot out their annual complaints about Hollywood: We're too liberal, we're out of touch with the heartland, the theater floors are always sticky, our facial muscles have been deadened with chicken botulism, there aren't as many Goobers in a box as there used to be, and we make them feel fat. To these people, I say -- shut up and eat your popcorn. And stop bitching about one of the few industries in America that still makes something people all over the world want to buy. Not to rub it in, but"Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel" made $400 million. And that's a squeakquel.Last year, Hollywood set a box office record: $10.6 billion. Sixteen billion worldwide. Not bad for a bunch of socialists. You never see Hollywood begging Washington for a handout, like corn farmers, or the auto industry, or the entire state of Alaska. Except for Kevin Smith, we pull our own weight.
What makes it even more inappropriate for conservatives to slam Hollywood is that they more than anybody fall in love with any D-list celebrity who happens to lean to the right, to the point where they actually run them for office. You don't find the equivalent of Sonny Bono on the left -- or Fred Thompson, or George Murphy, or Congressman Gofer from"The Love Boat." And let's not forget, the modern conservative messiah is a guy who co-starred with a chimp. That's right, Dick Cheney. But also Bonzo's buddy, Ronald Reagan. Now, I like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but he is an Austrian ham who bragged about drugs and gang-bangs and could speak no English, but when he said he'd run, the family values, anti-immigrant party terminated in their pants.
Which brings us up to the right wing's most recent teen crushes: a couple of cute kids named Sarah Palin and Scott Brown. Sarah is a former Miss Wasilla who served as the weekend sports anchor on station KTUU in Anchorage before eloping with her high school sweetheart and eventually answering a call to public office. Scott is a former Miss Cosmo Guy, and his turnoffs are people who don't drive trucks and having to wear clothes. Scott's a senator now, but -- shout-out to the folks at"The Bachelor" -- if you need a stud for Season 19, Scott's totally there.
Politics has become the safety school for show business washouts who are just looking for a way to stay in front of the camera -- the Republican Party is not far from nominating a guy who dropped a hundred pounds on"The Biggest Loser."
Republicans say they hate celebrities who get involved with politics, but you would too if the best celebrities on your side were Chuck Norris and Bo Derek. I'm not saying no one cares about their stars, but if Stephen Baldwin killed himself and Craig T. Nelson with a car bomb, the headline the next day would be"Two Die in Car Bombing."
The truth is that the vast majority of Hollywood talent are liberals, because most stars adhere to an ideology that jibes with their core principles of taking drugs and getting laid. The liberal stars that the right are always demonizing -- Sean Penn and Michael Moore, Streisand and Alec Baldwin and Tim Robbins, and all the other members of my biweekly cocaine orgy -- they're just people with opinions. None of them hold elective office or are trying to, and liberals aren't begging them to run. Because we live in the real world, where actors do acting, and politicians do... nothing. But conservatives are like children; they see an actor on TV and think he's really that guy. Fred Thompson plays a stern judge with a folksy charm -- that guy should be president!
A lot of Republican policy ideas are stripped straight from primetime. I wish I were kidding, but in one of the Republican debates in '08, they spent the whole hour arguing about plotlines on"24," asking,"What would Jack Bauer do?" and"If he were here right now, which one of us do you think he'd like to go torturing with the most?"
We progressives love our stars, but we know better than to elect them. We make the movies here, so we know a well-kept trade secret: Those people on that screen are only pretending to be geniuses, astronauts and cowboys. Besides, we can't elect our liberal stars because they're burdened with an affliction that your average conservative celebrities don't suffer from -- regular work. So don't hate. And please, don't ruin the Oscars. We're just like you. And the Oscars are really just our prom: The tuxes are scratchy, the limos are rented, and we go home with 18-year-old girls."

 Had to repost it from Bill's blog.

Progress Versus Tradition

I find traditions abhorrent. You could say it's because I was never held in any traditions, but I would say I was never indoctrinated into any of them. Really, it's a form of oppression. And by the way, I'm not talking traditions like certain people setting the table at dinner time or anything like that. I'm talking religions, "rain dances", festivals immortalizing deities, even something as tied to modern culture as marriage. All started for one reason and now, are something completely different.

I think that, in this age of knowledge and technology, traditions should be a dying breed. It's just something used by the powerful to control the dumb and ignorant. It helps the ignorant focus on little happiness and complacency instead of learning the intricacies of the way our world works and challenging authority. It's a throwback to the old days where many things could not be explained and the masses didn't even want to. The effort and work was not worth it, especially when they would pursue happiness instead. It's just such a perpetual cycle that seeing young people fall to these old ideals, it's a travesty.

Traditions, just like religion, should be understood as mental masturbation and not something to revere.

I Like Drama

Through my many looks through other people's profiles on Facebook (their new privacy "leaks" are actually beneficial), I have noticed a trend amongst them, particularly in the 16 to 24 demographic - "Just looking for a good time, no drama" or some version of that. But always with the "no drama" or "hate drama". I'll be the first one to say it, probably not ever but ever that you'll hear - I like drama. I do because drama breaks up the monotony and control of our daily lives. Now maybe it's because I have shunned myself from all human contact, but even then, I enjoyed the disruption. It's an escape from your boring existence.

Secondly, what the hell does 'drama' entail? Having fun and drama go hand in hand. No, what those people hate is bad drama for them. They love drama happening to other people and are jealous when good drama happens to others. It's just a bullshit statement that I read as "I'm too weak to handle real life, so please sugarcoat things and don't press with any questions, and when I say leave me alone, just do that. Yep, just hide the truth from me whenever possible, because I only like FUN".
It's fucking pathetic. I'm coming to embrace real life and actually learning to laugh at shit. It's a handy trick when everything is bad and the motivation is gone.

In closing, anybody who says they hate drama without properly defining what drama is, is someone who can't handle real emotions, real events, and most importantly, real life.

Obsession In Hate

Throughout my life, I've had a few obsessions. Mostly vices, just for fun, but an academic one (that came too late, I might add), but always positive, something I enjoy. Although I'm an extremely negative person (I'm working on turning that around), I never was obsessed with anything in it, just having those negative feelings. But then I realized, I do have an obsession. An obsession with hate. Something grueling and fearsome, that I don't enjoy, that always brings me down. Weird thing about obsessions, they also come with denial. Nobody wants to admit they're obsessed because, most of the time, it's embarrassing and not something good.

I allowed my obsession to cloud my judgment and I made rash decisions, luckily none that negatively affected me. Heh, not like the one before. So I'm getting off of this obsession relatively easily. "Moving on" always struck me as something that normal, bland, lifeless drones do. If something truly matters to me, there isn't just "moving on", especially if it's still within reach. And I feel this obsession is still within reach. But I'm done reaching. Not because it tires me. But because I realized that holding onto these negative feelings, obsessing about them, is pointless. So this chapter that was started in March, ends now. I thought it would have a bad ending. But looking around at what I have, especially those things that I have obtained in spite of, I would say it's a happy ending. It's the sad beginning that ruins it all.

I think I'm done being depressed. Everything I lost, I have again, but ten times better. I could write for hours on the mental impact and the intricate circumstances surrounding it all, but I'm done obsessing with it. It'll be just another bad memory, something I can call on if the situation ever rose again.
For once, I actually feel good about writing this. The person we used to be..... how much we despise them now.

Memories

Just tonight, I realized how much trauma (most importantly, emotional trauma) completely alters your memory. You recollect events in different orders, forget whole conversations, even mix up who said what. When you look upon a certain event, you turn to hatred, bitterness.... and then to the feeling you had at the time, and then feel guilty for feeling then feel angry for feeling guilty and then just get overall depress at getting anger at yourself for feeling guilty over something stupid.

Our lives are lived in a hurricane, without only brief moments in the eye, where everything is calm and peaceful. I fucking hate technology for bringing this down upon me. I could have lived in complete isolation and solace and maybe have made some great philosophical breakthrough in terms of the way we relate to each other and the cosmos. No, no, instead I started engaging whiny bitches on the internet and thus became one.

After events such as these, you must remember to leave things in the past. EVERYTHING in the past. No revisiting, no remarking, no checking for fucking continuity. Just leave it all and never look back. The only problem is that history tends to repeat itself. If you don't learn from your past mistakes, then you may have them done again by your own hand, because you see, history tends to repeat itself. Take your lessons from the little amount of hard evidence you have to look at. I hate the way it turned out, absolutely loathe it to infinity and hate reading everything before then, because it reminds me of how I felt, how that thing I vowed never to let happen..... happened.

Yet, I would lose my mind if all evidence was erased from existence.

Could You Please Do Me A Favor? F**k Off

I just have a question. People often tell me that, if someone is mean to you, be nice to them. This is called "killing them with kindness". I never listened to these people because they are about as psychologically deep as rabid elephants. The question here is not how do you go about dealing with your enemies, but a slightly different one.

How do you be mean to someone who is nice to you?

Seems like a stupid question, right? Well, I have this thing about me. Call it moral integrity or whatever. But I don't hate a person based on how they treat me. I come off as rather rude and abrasive sometimes, so I don't mind if someone reciprocates that. However, I do take issue to people who may be nice to me, for whatever reason, and mean towards someone else who isn't deserving of it. Even in school, when I did have "manners", I often didn't like people who were nice to me because they treated others like shit. Usually towards generally nice and wholesome people. And I just couldn't get past that. There is someone who is nice to me (don't worry, it's not you, it's someone who will never, ever read this) but mean to others. And I don't like that.

So just someone tell me how I can be mean to this person. I find hard, consider their kindness towards me.

The Afterlife Is Not Human

Every religion does this bullshit. They equate human wants and needs to that of when you die. Spirit or whatever. What you think, feel, want, need, all of that is HUMAN. And all of that is for the living and mortal. Even an immortal human wouldn't have the same wants and needs as a regular human. It's all based on our experiences and the chemicals in our bodies and the biological functions necessary to survive, i.e. we won't go up to heaven and eat or want sex or have to dispose of wastes. Because THEY say we become ethereal. So how are we going to want those same things? We take on a whole different set of values, wants, and needs, then.

I watched a creationist video and he said that humans crave more of what they get, i.e. if you get a promotion, you'll be looking forward to the next promotion. Yes, it's ambition which drives us. Without it, the world would be filled with slackers. Most of the time it's for vain reasons, but benefit society as a whole. What I took issue with really, was his next point. He said that once we get to heaven, we'll stop wanting more.

WHAAAAATTTTTT?!

Wait a minute, here. So you say we will have the same wants and needs as we do, in the living? But we won't go "well, it's pretty boring here, I want something more than this". If you are to say we exist the same in heaven as we do on Earth, and you deny that human ambition will be the ONE thing not carried over, you're a goddamn cherry picker and have absolutely zero sense and credibility.

Depression

Depression comes in many forms. Even the definition is very broad. In short, it's the crippling sense of the same of the worst you've ever had, perpetually, forever. While it's an illogical state of mind, when you're in it, you really don't see logic, reality, the real world, or anything. You just see your pain and suffering. For a lot of sufferers, it IS a perpetual thing and becomes as ingrained in their psyche as a character trait. Yet, they don't want to find a way out because it's a part of them, they feel, and it rub it out would be to not be themselves. Anyone who is too deep in this hole is probably out of reach and lost forever. But those who want help, and don't want it run their lives, they are worth saving, in ways, better than content folks. It's simple, someone who has gone through that publicly, has a sense of humility about them. Something human, something that will forever keep them tied to reality and not veer off course.

Now, because of the quickness sufferers want "help", drugs and psychiatry are often the first solution. Like a placebo, it covers the wound, but doesn't cure it. Those depressed, chronically as it were, need to look into themselves, find out the root problem and fix it or live with it. For those that don't, they have never spent long nights inside their own mind, hitting all the things that make them them. It's sometimes sad to see those who have such huge amounts of potential fall to this, because of peer pressure, failure to please family, or a failure to live up to a parents' dream. One with no restrictions, such as I, can see it for it is - control. Anyway, it's very important to try to understand the root problem and fix it. Maybe it this can't be achieved by yourself and you might need help.

More than drugs, more than paid counselors, what most just need is someone to care. And it's so goddamn unfortunate that the best people, often fall this way.

METAL MORE!!! \m/

It's funny, I haven't once made a music post. And if I directed you here, means you will know why I like what I do. I have known enough people who like each genre to know why they like it. I'll just run down each main genre and why it sucks.
Pop(ular music) - Simply put, it's weak. Incredibly displeasing to my ears and overly positive, to the point of suspension of disbelief
Rap or hip hop - Isn't it obvious? Modern hip hop is all about bitches and money. Boring. Old school is about art and expression. Good message, still an unpleasing sound.
Classical - I actually don't have much of a problem with classical. Beautiful scores, sure, but they seem to just be that. No meaning or message to derive or learn from. Ultimately, boring.
Country - My god, don't get me started on this. So circular, it's almost like every song fits the lonely hart, the good drinking time, or waking up with a stranger in your bed. It's sickening and if you like it, fuck you and never talk to me again.
Alternative - While in the rock genre, alternative seems to try too hard to be different. It's just too lame to like. And boring.
Indie - Pretentious prats. I mean, the songs are too abstract to make sense and musically, it's a mess  and it's "different".

Also, when metal is good, it's great. When it's bad, it's horrible. I'm not some metalhead who fights for the genre as a whole. I don't even want to go to a concert. What I like about it is the easing feeling, the aggressiveness that is portrayed. It's pretty hard to explain, because it's the one place where I fully embrace all the "negative" emotions. It's somewhere I can lose my sense of reality and embrace all the dark fantasies I have. And it's not like the lyrics make the song or the sound makes the song. A song will just click with me or in some cases, the unique sound one band has will click with me. 

The Many Facets

Just a short write. I noticed that it's high unlikely that you'll ever meet anyone exactly like you. I found out quite recently, that if you think someone is, there's usually some way they drastically aren't. I've talked to 4 or 5 different people and I could tell you that we are all similar. How is this? The many different faces you have. You can't be one thing, all the time. Some will share your outlook on life, however bleak. Some will share a difficult situation similar to yours that they handled in exactly the same way. Some will share your phobias and the way you view others. Some will share your lifestyle choice, and the way you live.

So many different things about you, it's hard not to relate to someone.

Anticipation

I feel the most... alive or maybe not bored, when there's something to happen in the works. Say there is nothing. Wouldn't it be depressing if everyday was the same as another? That's why I was depressed before, because it was true. I was taken out of my exciting reality and thrown into a world where only my actions directly affected a different path, which then is ever so slight. But when there is something to anticipate, and I would dare say hope for, it makes it all exciting again. This is why I like being close to someone. You can learn and if you are really close enough to hear intimate detail, you could almost experience yourself. It gave a bit chance and the best part is it usually doesn't directly affect you. You can get most of the reward and minimal punishment.

Maybe I'm just weird like that. I know a lot of people, and I used to think this as well, want utter control. For everything to happen according to plan.That leaves imagination out of it, the fun of risk and chance. I sometimes want things to change and happen differently. It makes it all exciting again.

Comfort Zone

It just stuns me how much of history and comfortability can really affect a relationship. Now, I'm sure to most normal people, there is a period when around a new person, for whatever reason be it work or school or if you two hang with similar friends, you just don't feel that comfortable. It's understandable and it makes sense. You don't know this person, who they are, what they are, what their views are or what they've done. But again, for whatever reason, you get comfortable with this person. They either become your friend, your enemy, or your "pet" (I'll explain in a different post). I'm just going to focus on the friend part. Let's say that you two don't exactly share the same religious views or political views, but maybe you think the same about psychology or whatever. Point is you both are different enough to be different and yet become friends. Then let's say, you move past just comfortable into the "we can talk about anything" zone. And still being different, but carrying on, just the same. Now you go into "I really care about your opinion" zone, and that's where things get tricky. You don't share the same values or views, but for whatever reason, you two are pretty close. What keeps that going? Most people would just leave it at that, but I still ask the question.

Anyway, this one seems incomplete because I don't know the answer. I guess it's just once you regard somebody with familiarity and trust, it can extend past whatever trivial reasons you two should like one another.

Cyber Women

So, there is a "sex robot" that is out, originally developed in Japan (obviously) but an advanced model was developed in the States. It's about as appealing as a pink laptop, but I think it could change the face of our interactions. I'll explain. In the normal world (of dating), it's the guys choosing one of the girls and it's up to the girl to accept or reject. Basically, the girl has all the power. But if the advent of an android female that could essentially be the every guy's dream girl, then that power could shift to the guys. Now, females would have to compete against an unrealistic expectation. This has pros and cons. One of the pros by far is that it will knock pregnancies way down (androids can't necessarily bear children, can they? And I'm sure they wouldn't program them to, anyway) and keep the population in check. All the guys who are fathers against their wishes would go away. Only the guys who actually want children would be the ones having them. Another pro is it can finally balance the power struggle of the two sexes. Like I said, women are mostly in control, just because of how we evolved in society to develop this notion. A con of this is that it may go so far as to switch gender roles. It may also push this "independent woman" nonsense into overkill and create more feminists and lesbians.

It's tough to decide at whether this is a good or bad thing, but it's really interesting and if horny guys continue to develop technology, then we could all be in some serious peril.

"Grow Up"

What does it mean to be adult? I would guess most people aren't burden with this question, as they just emulate what other adults are doing. It's regional. But what does that mean? To me, I guess the standard answer is get a house, get a car, get a good job (but not necessarily a respectable one), get a wife or a serious partner, get some kids, be part of the community, and generally just get arbitrary obligations and responsibilities. From the offset, most adults seem like, well, adults. But hardly any I know demonstrate a life experience, especially devoid of any richness. It seems the older you get, the duller you get. The more you have to live in this modern world, this stupid society. Well, I say fuck that. I don't want a goddamn family. I don't want a goddamn car. I don't want a goddamn house. And fuck the community. I can only guess once I venture out of my hometown, I'll be ridiculed for my lack of knowledge concerning "adult" things. That term implies that the standard that is set is the correct one. Which is bullshit.