Anticipation

I feel the most... alive or maybe not bored, when there's something to happen in the works. Say there is nothing. Wouldn't it be depressing if everyday was the same as another? That's why I was depressed before, because it was true. I was taken out of my exciting reality and thrown into a world where only my actions directly affected a different path, which then is ever so slight. But when there is something to anticipate, and I would dare say hope for, it makes it all exciting again. This is why I like being close to someone. You can learn and if you are really close enough to hear intimate detail, you could almost experience yourself. It gave a bit chance and the best part is it usually doesn't directly affect you. You can get most of the reward and minimal punishment.

Maybe I'm just weird like that. I know a lot of people, and I used to think this as well, want utter control. For everything to happen according to plan.That leaves imagination out of it, the fun of risk and chance. I sometimes want things to change and happen differently. It makes it all exciting again.