Unconcious Preference Vs. Conscious Choice

Sometimes, I think about all the things in life that we choose. Professions, friends, things to do, things to buy, things NOT to buy, the life you want to lead. In a perfect world, every single thing we do would be driven by a conscious choice that we make. But it's not. The first thing we have no control over, I think anyway, is morality. For a lot of people, morality is not a thought, it's just... what it is. Morality is a tenuous thing, but to people like me, morality and logic must be in balance. For most, it is not.
Also, the things we like.... they aren't always a conscious thing that we think about. I think, depending on how our childhood went, we will automatically like certain things versus others, because of nostalgia. You like it simply because of a memory, not for what it is. It is preferenced.

Another thing is intimate friends, people with whom you share very intimate details of your life, opening them up to scrutiny. One would think it's a choice, you choose the best candidates, but this isn't true. For the most part, this is in regards to romantic relationships, where there are constant breakups because of one of the party's errors, possibly on purpose and not in favor of the mutual relationship. Why does the opposing party accept them back? Outside of desperation, there isn't a conscious choice there. It's an unconscious preference based on..... well, it's individual in every case and even then, hard to spot. But things just go right for some reason, so the opposing parties joins ties again. So do we choose? Can we choose? Does it even matter?
I don't think we do choose, I think it's preference, it's something our psyche or conscience or whatever decides and slowly manipulates our conscious decision-making brain to accept it and rationalize it.

I'll be honest, this is a bit depressing. Not that people lie, but you can't know if there is some unconscious preference they have for you or if it's "genuine". Just another thing to make life that more complicated.

Cosmological Struggle: Bible Is Just Propaganda Against Satan

What if Satan and Yahweh are not who they seem? What if Satan was not a fallen angel, but, like Yahweh, a creator of sorts? It seems in lot of the dead religions, good versus evil had equal forces, thus both could exist separately. That is not the case with Christianity, Yahweh allows Satan to exist and be evil.... for whatever purpose, but that's not the point of this. What if they are just two sides of the same coin?
Here's my idea:

Now, firstly, I don't know how they came about, but I'll assume there was a whole race of people like Yahweh and Satan, who for the purposes of this story has the exact same powers as Yahweh, and that they either died out or are given divisions above "garden" or life sustaining planets of inferior and primitive species. Satan and Yahweh were given Earth to have domain over. Now, with this theory I can't explain much..... but I'll just do the Christian thing and say that my finite, limited, mortal brain can't even possibly conceive of the glory of Yahweh and Satan. What I want to focus on here is the book and how it intentionally treats Satan as an inferior creature, even though he has the opposite "job" of God and that's maintaining Hell (personally, I think that, in the context of the accepted idea of God, he just couldn't be bothered with the upkeep in Hell, especially since he's used to dealing with the very exclusive ELITIST club of Heaven). It's just propaganda.

See, they say Hell is an evil place where you will burn for eternity and is hot and basically appeals to the fears and emotions of the weak-minded. Fire, which was still a remarkable discovery in those days, is magical and symbolizes burning and the pain that goes along with it. Also of the most excruciating pain you've ever felt..... without saying how or why. Yet it's infinite, we cannot die, but pain is basically "killing" the body, so this doesn't make sense. But I digress. What if it's just Yahweh writing propaganda against his competitor? You see this between the same businesses in a particular region. Attack ads and such. The duties of Satan, maybe they don't allow for him to speak to people or interact, thus Yahweh can make him seem as he pleases.

Also, look at what God has you do to get into Heaven. I bet 95% percent of Christians won't get in, at least 30% on ONE mistake, alone. All that praying and praising and preaching..... to an egotistical maniac. And when you get there, you're the only person you know there! Yet what are the qualifications for going to Hell? Doing stuff, taking risks, making advancements, fuck, even enjoying life will get you there. What if Hell merely symbolizes reality as we know it? What if Hell is just another "club" like Heaven? Ha, even on the occupants alone, I'd rather be in Hell than Heaven. But notice how first, Hell is not descript, just described as an appeal to emotion, also the huuuuuge list of things NOT to do to get into Heaven, and also how many of your friends and family most likely, won't make it to the Yahweh's jerkfest in the clouds.

Bonus note: What if Satan corrupted the message of Heaven? I mean, the qualifications are impossible to be held, by a mortal, normal being but he couldn't just say Hell is cool, maybe that would be breaking some cosmological pact that the deities made. Instead he has to vaguely say how bad Hell is to sort of equal it out.

Hmmm, something to think about.

Aesthetics Vs. Practicality

One of the major differences that separate man from the rest of nature is our emphasis on aesthetics, on things looking or being presented in a certain way. Literally, things just looking, sounding, basically everything involved with the presentation as being more than the actual substance, itself. One of the most common examples you'll recognize, for all the girls, is the emphasis on "looking good". Makeup, hair, fashionable clothing and shoes, merely looking right, with little to do on the substance (i.e. your mind). Another example is looking fat as opposed to being healthy. If you look skinny, then you aren't fat, but a fat person running a mile straight is still less "in shape" than the skinny guy who cannot run a mile straight. It's this obsession that, of course, I disagree with. But you can account for my bias because my presentation of my personal appearance is significantly less than that of my peers. "Looks are everything" a motto for every young generation. I see the appeal because it is less effort to assert something to looking good, as opposed to it actually being good.

Think about the daily bits of your life. How much of it is based on superficial aesthetics, as opposed to less effort but it be visually unappealing? It's shocking how much is pure looks.

Art & Classical Music

I never understood art. Just to be absolutely clear, I'm not talking about it in its broadest sense, just classical art, I suppose, sculptures, art museums, art galleries, that sort of thing. It's just an object, it's just some.... thing. No value at all, it's something that can't be used for any practical purpose, it's entirely worthless, in my opinion. I mean, for paintings and sculptures, you look at it and then what? It's gone, out of your mind.. or at least, out of my mind. While I'm a fan of interpretation (because the mind is so vast and unique, two people could see the same thing and see two different things, all about perception) but people selling art for all this vast sort of money, just to say you're "cultured"? No, it's completely pointless to me. Especially abstract art. Throw a bunch of splotches of paint on a canvas and make me interpret it? Hell no, paint something with value, with a message, and then I might pay attention. All that classic art... it's boring, pretentious, and pointless.

Classical music is much the same, but audibly, of course. Someone told me that classical, you just "feel" it, the tones, the scales, the instruments. I just don't see it like that. There's no message. And any message in the songs or chords or whatever, you have to look it up, you can't hear it through the song. Once again, it's a matter of being "cultured". I don't feel the need to inflate my importance, by saying I appreciate art and classical, because I don't. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about emotions in songs (and even without intelligible lyrics, such as Ag20 by Blood Stain Child, that's a song I "feel"), but I guess my perception is different. Metal pleases my ears, gives me all the satisfaction from music that I want. Also I have a bone to pick with those people who say "I like all kinds of music" but in a different post.

Art and classical have no value, but due to their longevity (for whatever reason), they have become the bastion for intellectual pretentiousness, for just having the "cultured" banner. I think it's a load of crap and the social and financial gain is all that is benefited, two things I don't give a shit about.

Why Religion Should Be Mocked

I often take a lot of crap from people - atheists and theists alike - that I should "respect" religion more. Well, I don't because it doesn't fit into my morals or values. Same thing with family. The majority of people would put some sort of bond or connection to their other family members, because of "blood". But why? They share genetic lineage but what else? A lot of people's values and morals -especially traditionalists- comes from some law or way of living in the past that has no bearing on now. For instance, marriage widely came about from warring tribes making alliances, or an ensured genetic heritage for a man, which had a lot more value then than in modern culture. Hell, love was put into it later, much later, from the English. I'm not going to go into each little tradition, but you get my point. You have to live with the times and in today's world - quote "age of reason" - religion is losing more and more creditability. Let's use the family analogy. You look at your mother - your religion - with fondness because of it's all you ever know. But to me, your mother - your brand of fairy tale - is just another ordinary, insignificant human to me.

You have your brand of highly improbably circumstances, yet you think because so many people fawn over the ever-lasting life and "morality" taught, that it should be respected as a creditable idea? That's insane. Flying Spaghetti Monster is exactly a good example of what I'm talking about. Theists will laugh and scoff at that being a credible idea, but go back to their brand of Bronze Age fairy tales, like it's gospel (quite literally!) and have absurd claims to back it up.

I don't respect religion because I wouldn't respect a church of Dr. Seuss or the Congregation of Mother Goose. They're fables and imaginative stories created at a time before knowledge was able to spread, en masse, and a lot of the advances we know today, were not. Or some, like Scientology, are intentionally put out just malicious take advantage of people, while I think most in Christianity or Islam maybe not, as that is far more "spiritually" driven. I find the notion absurd because they didn't have the explorers, philosophers, scientists, and the knowledge we have gained in the 2000 years since is so extraordinary, you cannot even fathom what life was like back then. To actually live it.

I will continue to mock and laugh at Christianity, Islam, Scientology, Hinduism and any other religion that preaches whimsical stories for profit or power. They're fucking absurd stories, people. If you can't understand that, there's no need for me to acknowledge you as any kind of equal being to myself, intellectually.

Friends, Part Two

A whole year since the last post I made on that - rather unbelievable - and a lot of things have changed in terms of that. I lost a lot and gained a few, it's a back and forth game.  My opinions have changed slightly on it, too. I no longer harbor a grudge against those who want a lot of friends or who have it. The circumstances could be different, it's not always the same reasons, nor is the content of their friends necessarily relevant. Let me clarify. The nature of the relationship shouldn't, the intent or motive of why friends are friends shouldn't matter, but who their friend is. At least, that should be more of the focus. But on to real matters.

I'm not above communicating or gaining such relationships any more because I can gain something from everyone, whether it's knowledge, insight, or even some influence or financial gain. As long as it doesn't get personal. As long as certain..... boundaries aren't crossed. I have my personal crowd - which is a select few - and I have my business crowd (not literal business, but in how I regard them).

Also, whenever it seems I want to give up on the game, someone comes along and changes my mind. Just when I lose all hope in you silly humans, I get a reminder that you all aren't as hypocritical, stupid, arrogant, ignorant, emotional, and narrow-minded as I thought. Most are, but some aren't. I think once that personal barrier is breached, it's hard to go back and sometimes, losses are incurred and things just need to..... end. But I don't believe it will always have to be that way. Okay, it's crap to say people don't change and that people do change, because both are true, in a manner of speaking. I feel I have changed a lot, especially since part one of this, but at the same time, I'm still the heartless, "confident" (although some may use other less endearing terms), smart, and logical bastard I was then. It's hard to say, especially when emotions and feelings get involved and I thought that I could get away from all that, reap all the rewards and incur none of the downsides. Things don't work like that. What's the phase, can't live with them, can't live without them. I need the realness, the absence of bullshit that I get from nearly no one.

Conclusion: whether you like it or not, you need friends, you need that closeness, it's all very necessary towards living with any kind of fulfillment. It's just picking the right people to have that with. Thankfully, I think I'm starting to get it and starting to choose the right people.

Ashamed and Disgusted

I noticed today that someone I once held in the highest regard, reduced to such.... boring normality, it disgusted me. Despite everything that has happened between this person and I, I regarded them as unique, unconventional, daring to be different. But the game of life gets to everywhere and everyone plays, all the same. Becoming mindless and.... average. It just reminds me that everyone thinks that being different is someone a rebellious kid notion, that everyone "grows up" and grows out of it. Call me immature, but I don't want to be like that. I want to say things that challenges people's preconceived conventions, challenge the conventional and just say a big fuck you to the boring repetition that people call lives.

People really think they have to play in this game. While it's true you have to have certain elements - college degrees, good jobs, functional business appearance - that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself, who you are and become p.c. It's just so disheartening, and especially if I thought you were once unique, but you sold out to appease others or make life easier for you or more tolerable, you lose massive respect from me. You fucking be yourself, no matter what else. Seeing this kind of degradation.... it makes me think of the memories and now they are tainted with this stink of hypocrisy. Not many people is willing to live like me, say the things that I say, do things that I do, and I'm partially glad for that. But disheartened that beautiful, unique mind is now absolute shit. Ha, my only reward is this person will never have any kind of happiness, or rather peace with themselves, while they live this lie.