Déjà vu

I know I'm not cut out for it, subconsciously or otherwise. I can't express it when I have it and, of course, I want it when I don't. But all of this stems from one basic problem - emotions. Chemical brain states that alter our behavior, favoring one brain state over another for a "feeling". I won't even mention the illusions. The younger version of me hated these brain states with a passion (pardon the pun) because they cause weakness because they do alter your behavior without your best interest in mind, only the perpetuation or negation of one particular brain state. But now I'm not so sure. I'm also not so sure how many times I'll go through this same process, same exact thing only with a different name. Isn't that what life is, though? We do strive for the new and fresh, but I didn't think I was that particular way, I just thought I was picky.

I'm not a bad person, really. Maybe from a general standpoint, but personally, I happen to think I'm very good. But I come off so bad when I'm doing things differently than in the past that did cause harm. Maybe it's different for every case? I don't want to necessarily give up on this one though. But maybe I like this case because of the brain state, I liked the previous cases when now I don't..... is it just a matter of perspective? Justification of how reality is now? If life is full of this kind of subjective reality, how can you every know what's right and wrong? But if I try, I'll feel worse. Because it probably won't work. Even now, it would be too weird, things would never be right. And this would have never happened if..... I think I have the solution now. Of course, this is for future cases, but not the pending case.

I think I know what to do now.