How To Avoid Chatting With An Overtly Chatty Motherfu%$# (Without Being Rude)

So, we have all been there. Somewhere we had to be for a few hours, we all have been around that one person (or in my case, damn near everyone in the place) that just will never shut up. Every little thought that passes through their empty head, they vocalize it to the nearest ear. Personally, I have no qualms about telling this person to shut the hell up. But others do. And they don't always want to be rude about it. So this is my guide to get these people from talking your head off (of course, these won't always work, they are just generalizations. Interpret what you will):

#1: Avoid eye contact, at all costs.
For some reason, these people see eye contact as a way of showing interest. Kind of like with a dog. Don't look them in the eye. Even a passing glance. This is pretty much around the board for most of these people.

#2: Do NOT participate in the conversation, at all.
When they are going on about whatever, the one thing you don't do is acknowledge their presence. You can nod, look bored, but do not utter a single word. It helps if, in a serious work/school situation, to get a work conversation started with someone else. About important matters. This, sometimes, has a way of getting the chatties to stop, because of the work getting in the way of their nothing speech.

#3: Look busy or involved in something else
Once they get started, it's hard to get them to stop, short of using my preferred method. So, once involved, look around at what needs to be done. Surely, if you are in a situation you must be in, there must be some busy work. Get into that. No matter what it is, pretend to concentrate really hard. If all else fails, try to exit the area, most likely one where the chatty can't leave.


#4 (optional): Say some screwed up stuff
In between times of non-stop chittering, walk over to them, of your own volition and say some really out-there stuff. Personally, I like talking about gore, violence, absurd notions of taking down world governments, or if you really want to be hardcore, just discuss straight out murder (it helps to use facial expressions to drive in your "point"). Now, because these people are just mouths with arms and legs, they won't think or even want to talk about this kind of stuff. So, they will not approach you again.

Using these tips, you may just avoid unwanted conversation with those who truly have nothing to say. If all else fails, just talk about that one time you put grape jelly in your------ (inside joke, hehe).