More and more I find that I cannot be the person I want to be. The idealistic viewpoint from which I strive my mental capacity and my tangible goals... it's unrealistic. I am not living in this world, but a different one. Not a fantastical, romantic one that others dream about and what they live in. It's really not that different from reality. See, I was under the assumption that people actually thought about things. That I could provoke an enlightening conversation, from any person. That is untrue. People utterly refuse to think about things that go deeper than their weekend plans. And anyone who spends time thinking, wondering, pondering about the whole of existence, are seen as slackers. They are just unwilling to be seen as "different".
Also, I have realized that solitude, complete and utter solitude, I just can't do it anymore. I think that relying on people, for anything, is just faulty logic, because people are fickle and always trying to take advantage of anything to further their gain. But, alas, it seems I cannot escape the harsh realities. I only hope to realize something as provocative as I did, all those years ago, when I successfully pulled off complete solitude.
It's a mixed bag of fallacies that is making me question my own existence, when this is reality and these are my thoughts. It seems that, without chemical help, I am destined to be stranded within my own mind. For I cannot stop what I think, what I realize, or what I feel, especially when it plays against what should be expected or is deemed accepted by society. You can't live in society, without living by their rules.
What's the point of living, when this is what I have to look forward to?
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