Please Excuse Me

I noticed a very strange thing. I'm sure you know what subliminal means (if not, look it up, you ARE on the internet, after all). In all of your actions and words, as "subliminal" as they are, I see the true meaning of them. In ALL of your actions and words. Even where no subliminal underlying message is present. Things should never be taken at face value. So I ask you, please excuse my behavior, if you don't know what you did. I think the lack of communication is what causes most conflicts in the first place.

Maybe if I was stupid and brainless, we wouldn't have this problem.

Living In The Past

I hope that you wonder how much of your life is spent, living in the past. Living on past achievements. Living in former glories. If you are old, pay no mind, this isn't for you. All you have is the past and I respect that. I am talking about anyone younger than 40. Let me ask you the big question:

How much of your relationships are predicated on history?

Let me elaborate. Family relationships, all they are, are built on history. Friends... you must have that one guy who you dislike, but because you "were" good friends, you keep him around. Why is that? Why is so much owed to "the past"? Why can't people just be judged on how they are now? As I move away from people, I am feeling like I owe them something. For what, because we used to get along?

I don't play that game. Another one of society's rules with just doesn't make any sense.

Stings of a Conscience

What am I? This question is not often pondered. Because it sort of is a dumb question. But lately, I haven't been able to answer that. I have my beliefs and ideals, but I find myself sometimes acting, naturally, in a way unfitting of my personality. I attributed it to my getting "soft". It hasn't always been like this. But can one really live without doubt? The path I've created seems to lead nowhere. Well, nowhere good. But if I change my wheels now, can I really fully embrace the kind of person that would do that? In short, could I live with - myself? As I get older, I am fraught with these kinds of challenges. It's becoming harder to go on in this mentality.... in this frame.

So, for most who know me, know how I am. Then, why do the pains of being "me" exist? What came so easily a year ago, is becoming harder to maintain, now. Come to think of it, is it just a phase? Has what I thought was me, through and through, been a fucking phase?!?

So, perhaps, I am just a mockup of two personalities, at war with one another. Seeing who can win control, and make a decision helping along their own agenda. Heh, watch out, everyone. You never who, with me, who you'll get.

A Refusal To Withdraw

This is why I refuse to stand down towards conformity's ringdings. This is why I choose to question, not with a polite stance, but with an angry fist. This is why I seek not only to better mankind in all areas, but to keep con artists and other "unsuitable" people from gaining from the lame and common (I just said that, huh? Must be getting soft, in my old age).

My recent bout with Scientologists has taught me a great deal in the way of human understanding. Here I thought Christians were bad. Sure, Christians half-ass spirtuality with their God talk and their lack of comprehension of even the simplest scientific "theories" (just because, unlike religious zealots, we KNOW we can't possibly explain or know everything for sure). It pains me to see people fall to such madness, without even fighting. Now, if you are either/or of the previous mentioned religions, I won't sway your mind. You'll see me as a spiritless heathen and disregard every word I said. Good. Stay your course and fail your entire life.

This is for everyone else. While you sit idlely by and let our labour people get caught up in nonsense, our civilization slows down. Now, before ever, we need to combat these fallacies and get knowledge out. In the information age, misinformation is being shared more than real information. It is YOU, who I blame. Those who religion is not really a factor for. "Let them believe what they want to". Funny how if I said I was going to commit suicide, how many people would object, strongly? Isn't that hypocrisy? I want to, it's my decision. If I was going to, who are you to tell me not to. They are "hurting" society by following the drivel the past founders who really were just making stuff up, for vain reasons, anyway. Lucky thing about religion, no matter how many facts, no matter how many truths, no matter how many just basic logical conclusions, they always stick to their faith. How noble.

I call it cowardice. Face the truth and if you can't handle it, take some pills until you can.

The Constraints Of Reality

More and more I find that I cannot be the person I want to be. The idealistic viewpoint from which I strive my mental capacity and my tangible goals... it's unrealistic. I am not living in this world, but a different one. Not a fantastical, romantic one that others dream about and what they live in. It's really not that different from reality. See, I was under the assumption that people actually thought about things. That I could provoke an enlightening conversation, from any person. That is untrue. People utterly refuse to think about things that go deeper than their weekend plans. And anyone who spends time thinking, wondering, pondering about the whole of existence, are seen as slackers. They are just unwilling to be seen as "different".

Also, I have realized that solitude, complete and utter solitude, I just can't do it anymore. I think that relying on people, for anything, is just faulty logic, because people are fickle and always trying to take advantage of anything to further their gain. But, alas, it seems I cannot escape the harsh realities. I only hope to realize something as provocative as I did, all those years ago, when I successfully pulled off complete solitude.

It's a mixed bag of fallacies that is making me question my own existence, when this is reality and these are my thoughts. It seems that, without chemical help, I am destined to be stranded within my own mind. For I cannot stop what I think, what I realize, or what I feel, especially when it plays against what should be expected or is deemed accepted by society. You can't live in society, without living by their rules.

What's the point of living, when this is what I have to look forward to?

Creationist + Evolutionist = F@#%ing Moron

We know what Creationism is all about. That God (or more specifically, a deity) created the world. Designed all the animals, by hand.

We know what evolution is all about. Came from atoms, adapted to survive.

Now, when a Christian (a Creationist) says they believe in evolution, it makes me want to end a small puppy's life. How can you believe two contradictory things? It's like being a Jewish Nazi. Or being a Log Cabin Republican. Just doesn't make any sense. "God made things to evolve" No, he didn't. He made the things as they are, because it's HIS design. Gods are egotistical asses. They aren't going to allow their creation to "evolve" out of the exact thing that it is. It would defy God, and if he is defied, the world ends.

So tell me, you crazie. Does it make sense, to YOU?

Just Another Body, Part Two

There are 6 billion humans currently, on Earth. There, most likely, has been near 1,000,000x times that, in all of existence. What makes YOU so special? On the flip side, what comes with running with the herd? If you are thinking like most people, then you won't go anywhere. Among humans, sure, you may be just right. Achieve as much, and live as such. But among the universe... it takes another kind of special. One who is not bound by "popular" morality, "popular" values, "popular" standards. When someone steps out of line, we feel inclined to push them back in, chastise them for even thinking about it, putting them down because they refuse to be "human".

What is "human", anyway? Humans are social creatures, so that would lend one to believe that traveling in groups and living in a civilization successfully, that what it is to be human. But humans are also very smart. So, to invent and think creatively to solve crisis, that's what it is to be human. But creativity isn't common. Creativity, by very definition, is against the mainstream.

I have always had a problem with complacent humans. People who do things, out of habit, or because it's "what they are suppose to". I fall out of line, on purpose. I feel like it's my duty to remind people, that some out content with what they want. What they would classify as "normal", just doesn't apply. Even applying labels to unique "normal" people, that doesn't apply.

It's unfortunate that the extremely creative, often get confused with the attention whores.

What I See

I am not searching for a "soul mate". I'm not even searching for a mate. But every once in a while, someone just strikes me.

It takes a very unique sets of traits for me to see that in someone. I seem to see not a physical appearance, but rather it's reflected by the personality and intellect, that's how I perceive someone's outward appearance. Think of it like this: ever see a picture after a car wreck? You see the car banged up, but you don't know how it came to be that way. Well, when I see pictures of that certain "someone", it's like that. A still picture cannot convey, adequately, what I see and perceive.

All that aside, I hate when these things happen. My severe lack of trust of anyone is what will keep any kind of normal person away. Among other things. And it's always the wrong person. That even a normal fantastical scenario would never exist. Luckily, I can probably blame it on youth.

That's the one thing I love about my pseudo-alzheimers. It allows me to forget what I feel, a lot of the time. Forgetting is good.