Déjà vu

I know I'm not cut out for it, subconsciously or otherwise. I can't express it when I have it and, of course, I want it when I don't. But all of this stems from one basic problem - emotions. Chemical brain states that alter our behavior, favoring one brain state over another for a "feeling". I won't even mention the illusions. The younger version of me hated these brain states with a passion (pardon the pun) because they cause weakness because they do alter your behavior without your best interest in mind, only the perpetuation or negation of one particular brain state. But now I'm not so sure. I'm also not so sure how many times I'll go through this same process, same exact thing only with a different name. Isn't that what life is, though? We do strive for the new and fresh, but I didn't think I was that particular way, I just thought I was picky.

I'm not a bad person, really. Maybe from a general standpoint, but personally, I happen to think I'm very good. But I come off so bad when I'm doing things differently than in the past that did cause harm. Maybe it's different for every case? I don't want to necessarily give up on this one though. But maybe I like this case because of the brain state, I liked the previous cases when now I don't..... is it just a matter of perspective? Justification of how reality is now? If life is full of this kind of subjective reality, how can you every know what's right and wrong? But if I try, I'll feel worse. Because it probably won't work. Even now, it would be too weird, things would never be right. And this would have never happened if..... I think I have the solution now. Of course, this is for future cases, but not the pending case.

I think I know what to do now.

Competition

I know we are generally a competition driven species. We seek to one up our fellow man to get more money, attention, fame, power, what have you. But why are some people so focused on others? I saw this a lot in school, mostly with kids (and immature adults), they gossip, they create and spread rumors, just to put down someone to elevate themselves, if only in their minds. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the occasional bashing of those that I think are inferior, but such a systematic approach, a routine of this, I just don't understand. Consumed with appearances, reputation, competition, but not even for any end game, just for a self satisfying boost. Maybe it's because I think that too many people do not deserve the honor of my constant hate, but I think that is not a way to go because when everyone is gone, how will you manage life then?

Definition By Occupation

Society, as I think it is per our nature, has hierarchies based on marketability. Whether you know it or not, everything is predicated on marketability and what can sell, or rather, what can be made off of something else. And with that, comes people who can only see someone else's marketable traits, for more than just business. For instance, say you were walking one day and you've been walking for awhile and you were tired, so you sat under a bridge or something, just resting and a homeless man wandered over to you. Would you talk to him? Barring him maybe being dangerous because of the mental instability of these folks, but let's say that he is recently homeless because of the economy or something and hasn't had a chance to reach out to his family or there was something up. My main point is, he isn't crazy, nor is he dumb. In fact, he is your type of person. And he lives around you... in fact, anywhere around you, haha. But joking aside, would you associate with him? You get along with him great, he is funny and can give you intelligent conversations. Now, everyone who isn't a stuck up snob (there is one of you out there and you know who you are), would say you would talk to him, but that's bullshit. I can't say what I would do, or if anything, the mere fact that I would think this up would mean I probably would be more inclined to befriend this downtrodden fellow, but saying without proving is the easiest thing in the world. Most people wouldn't because he has no title, he has no marketability, or at the very least, he has no easy opportunities. And that's how people think. People say "Yeah, my name is Bob, and I'm a senior accountant" they use it to present their authority, whatever it is. And, if you have status, you look down on anyone who doesn't have status, regardless of whether you are conscious of it or not.

I realized this this year that not everyone is the same. We aren't all given the proper opportunity and some of us don't even have marketable skills or, if we did, we never knew about them, so they never manifested. To someone crazy successful without having a successful, it's just a quirky set of circumstances that led them to that point. "Well, why don't you just work hard and you'll get good opportunities?" It's because it doesn't work like that. We just can't be held to the same standard because our situations are different. But I'm not trying to quibble about financial circumstances, my main point is, you shouldn't judge people on marketable merits, especially for personal reasons. In having a good time and interesting conversations, everyone is equal opportunity there.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of I'll Do Whatever the Fuck I Want To

The running theme of what I say about the human mind (or just sentient beings in general, but that would be pushing emotions on all sentient beings, which may not be the case) and the way we think is we can only think in terms of our personal perspective. That's why there are such misunderstandings and such arguments are petty things in the world, because we can't understand each other's perspectives and situations. Everyone seems to be judging me on the basis of what they think is the right thing to do for my situation because of what they have already seen before. The thing that EVERYONE forgets is I'm not like anyone else. I think in a such a way that is vastly different from at least most of the people I'll meet. So projecting this ideal onto me is pointless, because my end goal is not your end goal. Most people want a few things: comfort, prestige,money, and legacy. Oh and sex, but let's exclude that for now. And people I want that too, but I don't. I couldn't care less about legacy because I'll be dead, so so fucking what. I don't care about prestige because people find many reasons not to like you, or to like you, and I don't want that to be why I am interesting or someone to be around, is because of what I've done, or the last thing, my money.

People see in me what they would see in anyone else in my position who wasn't me. That invalidates their position because they are judging me on a scale that is no applicable to me. That would like if I was a dog and there was a cat in front of me. If I don't attack the cat, everyone will think I'm a failure, see? I don't care about attacking the cat, my values are different. Maybe I want to go lick my butt, I don't know, but just because I don't do the one thing that you want me to do, or do it fast enough, doesn't make me a failure. It just makes me something you can't possibly understand. And people want to be able to understand things easily. Put something incomprehensible in front of them and they will deny it's viability because they can't understand it.

I don't want the same things as you. If we switched roles, there is a possibility I wouldn't do what you would do. If you judge people, judge them on their actions and their words, not their inaction or the lacking of pleasing you. The next time you see someone and think "What a waste, they could have done so much" examine what mechanisms make you think that is the clear plan for everyone, not just what you personally hold dear.

Dating

I don't know what makes me different in this area than others. I know I'm not the only and it's a frequent trait among the "minority". This whole courting, dating, and mating ritual that we have nowadays. It seems to me that relationships of that sort are just filler for some.... reason or another that is not directly tied to the individual they choose. People look at it like a necessity, like a job or a car or a home. Like if you don't have one, there's something wrong with YOU. Could be evolutionary, could be social norms, I don't know. But we have left the arranged marriages and brides as peace offerings and bribes (at least in the West). Instead, we have this culture who is obsessed with who is sleeping with who. It's so hardwired and ingrained into people that it's not even a thought to consider why they think it's such a negative attribute, it would go against people's logic.

If it weren't so stigmatized, our culture and scientific progress would greatly advance. It holds us back, it's biology, simple instincts. Maybe I have this particular viewpoint because I am solitary, I believe people are burdens that get in the way of progress, individuals get in the way of YOUR progress. People drop good jobs, good opportunities, all because of some fake emotional bond that can be replaced in a week. Human ignorance and selfishness will always rule out in competition with reason and logic. I'm not proposing a business model that everyone should follow, just that chasing romance like it's some kind of goal is the wrong way to go about it..... for long lasting love and attraction that is. They spend all their time, when single, chasing it, they forget that sometimes, things come to you. Don't think these a musings from a loser, I have.... moderate appeal in this area. But that's just it. I'm not looking for a role holder or something to screw to give me some kind of arbitrary meaning. If I happen to find someone that I click with and love enough for that, fantastic. But I certainly won't chase it, not for society, not for biology, not for loyalty and not for honor. Maybe I achieve greatness someday and people see my example, one can only hope. But if it's being a pariah versus sharing a bed with brainless troglodytes, guess I fulfill my satisfaction for a solitary existence.

Knowing Vs. Hoping

There's a lot of things about this world I don't like. I don't like how corruption is prevalent in any hierarchical structure, especially with one vast enough to encompass thousands of employees (I'm not an advocate of smaller government, though). I don't like how romanticized ideals of how romantic relationships should go, and when that fades, everyone accepts that it was inevitable. I don't like the idea that pricks seem to be the most ahead in life, but squander it more than others. I don't like how you have to choose between been successful (rather, being perceived as successful and accomplishing a lot) and living a life you want (for those who lives don't revolve around their work). I don't like the fact that faith is lauded in the face of evidence and reasoned arguments. I don't like that some truths and facts that seem like basic ideas to me, escape those wiser or smarter than me. I don't like the best of our kind doesn't feel like they are worth anything, because they don't conform to the ideal set forth. There are a lot of things about this world I do not like, but accept these things as fact. Just because you don't like something doesn't make it not true. It's a sentiment I see a lot from people, where if they just ignore a problem, it no longer exists.

People need to understand the reality we live in. Things about human nature, social behavior, etc. We've conquered the planet, now we need to conquer our own understanding of ourselves. I wish I could see if these behaviors are solely attributed to human beings, or if they are sentient qualities. What I wouldn't give to know such answers. But I don't and, as much as I don't like something, it doesn't make it not true. Does accepting these things make me bitter? Perhaps.  The optimistic often seem hopeful, right? They *hope* things get better or something will happen. Most hope that a higher power intervenes, which is the most pointless thing in the world, because hoping non-existent creatures intervene is hoping against knowing. I see the world as it is, as reality has been demonstrated to me in all my experiences. And all this shit is now becoming too predictable.

God: Unknowable Variable; People: Knowable Asshats

I always hear this from the Christians "Don't judge Christianity on the interpretation of people" which is stupid, because they turn right around and call Islam evil because of al-Qaeda, Taliban, and Hamas. That generally hypocrisy is too obvious to point out. But what I say is that, okay so we can't know if a god exists, what he wants, how he judges, etc. We can't know about God, but we can know about the people who follow. My contention with religion is not that it is unprovable and nobody should follow, it's the acts that are carried out (and sanctioned by military powers) in the name of it. Did the Crusades prove or disprove God? No, it proved that religious fanatics are assholes. Take any organization. Would you judge it solely on its leader and that's it? What if you judged countries solely on their leaders? Would that make any sense?

I don't care what it says in the sacred texts or what the leaders profess or what they say God put into our morality. It's about what people do either because of or justify because of it. Hell, if people killed because of a Care Bear book, I would hate that, even though it says positive things. Qu'ran, Bible, Torah, whatever your brand of crazy religion is, it's not what it says, it's what people do because of it.