The Experiment Officially Ends

So, I have halted this experiment many times, but now I am officially calling it off. It began almost a year ago (even though it's initial conception was near the end of December, the ball in motion started in the middle of November). I learned a lot, both of human nature and of myself, but ultimately ended up in the same place I was when I started.

The hypothesis was that I can not function, socially, around anyone. That I am such a solitary being to the point of exclusion. Now, there were a lot of different assumptions I have. I was glad enough that I could conduct this experiment in the same grounds it was conceived in. Very convenient. I thought maybe the closest group to my own interests would be enough to prove that I can indeed form connections that were equal and not at the expense of either party, as is all other relations I have ever had. But turns out my hypothesis was correct. I am just too different. Those within the study group, though fascinating, turned out to be simple minds just with a more complex way of perceiving and thinking, while bringing nothing more useful to the table. In essence, I learned that the majority of folks are quite the same. Sure, there are different personality traits among them, but overall they lack a certain "thing" required for me to view them equally and without bias.

Throughout this experiment, I suffered some changes. Firstly, somehow I forgot to listen. That's an odd thing to forget, but I became less perceptive of my surroundings, offline and on. But I gained a certain amount of confidence in my abilities I didn't have before. Seems an even balance. Although this experiment was taxing physically, mentally, financially, but above all of those, it was the most emotional taxing of any of my others. Basically because it created them in me. Well, anything but angry and rage, anyway. I can't say it was an entirely scientific experiment because I had push in which outcome I would have, thus contaminating the results.

Of course, for any experiment to be valid, it must be tested multiple times under the same condition. I have no such time so the information I take from this will suffice. There is such a curious thing in simple humans. They tend to band together, in some sort of camaraderie despite differences. I understand if there is a need to "fight" a common enemy, which for them would be boredom I guess. What I found to be disturbing was their lack of passion. They seemed content, but I sensed an inner hollowness in most of them. Something bad in their past that left them morbidly bitter to push them into the position they are in, as part of the community. I don't condemn them for it, but the fact that that hasn't done much for their state of mind is much worse. People both in the experiment and those I see around, they lack such a passion and hell, compassionate caring. Ironic coming from me, but I think I care more about the "real" things than they do. Always taken for granted, probably because it's just as I say, no one is special. I die, you move on. Few cases defy this convention.

A very curious thing happened during this experiment (I would say because of). I wouldn't say another experiment, that's a bit too harsh, but kind of a trial. Something a bit more extreme than the original experiment. Something I wished the outcome differently than my original hypothesis. Although, once again must be proven multiple times before fact and once more I have taken it as fact, it fell to it's bloody end. What I learned from that is that anyone willing wouldn't be up to par, but anyone up to par wouldn't be willing.

So that experiment ends with much learned and gained. The next one, I don't know about. I must analyze this further before continuing.