Purgatory

Ever since I became self aware at 16, I've always this vision of how the afterlife would truly be if it were possible. And no, I call on no divine being to dream it up for us, nor is this even spiritual or religious (or emotional). The one thing that has been a problem with me for a long time is that my conscious and my subconscious - "conscience" if you will - are constantly at war. See, I do have a morality that was taught to me and that I learned, that through cooperation, we achieve 'x' times more progression than alone (x = how many people are involved). But I also know that I cannot live for the group, that I have to do things in my best interest, and my best interests, especially in the long term, are not that of the group's best interest. So that causes a short of riff between the waking me you see everyday and the other side that surfaces when my conscious mind is too busy or is "out". Anyway, on the afterlife.

I think that the thing that would cause this afterlife is nothing more than our own minds and imaginations. Using the first law of thermodynamics (matter and energy cannot be created or destroyed), I am inferring that consciousness cannot be destroyed, but changes into something else. To deal with this new change (and subsequent lack of a physical presence), it goes back to its life on Earth.
Basically, I think that, if you led a good and virtuous life, you will imagine up a paradise where all your friends and family live or what have you. Your mind will be "pure", as dictated by itself, and therefore you will want to reward yourself, as a result. Conversely, if you had a lot of regret and guilt over the things you did, you may enter a sort of nightmare world, filled with things to punish yourself with. Either way, you get the consequence you feel you deserved. I think I came to this conclusion after hearing "At least I can sleep at night" too many times. Could you ever do so much wrong as you deprive yourself of sleep or food, in some cases? Not consciously, but subconsciously, your body taking cues from your "conscience". I think it's a fair question and whether or not this is a possibility for the afterlife, I don't know.

I'm sure I'm not the first person to think this up and maybe somewhere, there is an actual name for this idea, maybe it's in a book or something. But think about it.

I Hate Hot Chicks: Partie Trois

I recently came into contact with a "hot chick" and most of my assumptions based on a purely observational perspective seem to ring true. I don't know how it is for the rest of them, but this one lived in a bubble, she didn't see that her life was affected negatively or positively by her condition. Although based on her actions, I am led to believe that she is, in fact, an anomaly, but still present was a lack of a personality (or not fully formed personality), a clear sense of entitlement and rejection of a reality that was not consistent with which the one she wanted, and an air-headed like state. It was through my interactions that I realized that it does more than affect one's confidence - it fundamentally changes the way a person thinks and how they are treated. It's like they are a different race, literally. Ha, and if it was a race, well, you can call me a racist. I'm just amazed, it literally doesn't matter outside of their appearance of attractiveness. I'm not saying they are all stupid, but there's... a lack of three-dimensional being. They can be intelligent, they can be scientists and entrepreneurs or whatever, but there's just something about it that doesn't allow them to fully experience all of thinking. It's hard to explain, as you can see.

Now I want to break down MY definitions of beautiful and "hot". Beauty, as they say, IS in the eye of the beholder. It's a completely subjective thing, not beholden to any standard than outside of one's perception. However "hot" is much different. I can't explain hot, I can't explain how someone is hot or what makes them hot, but we all know what "hot" is. We all know these really attractive "hot" people, we can, even if not entirely consciously, we can identify them with nothing more than a glance. Beautiful, like I said, could be anything. One person who I would find beautiful, another would not. But we both would find a hot person.... well, hot. It's an indication of genetics and healthiness, that's an inherently sought after trait that we might not even be aware of. But one thing is certain - beautiful girls are beautiful .... but I DO hate hot chicks.

The Me, I, and You

What makes you you? What characteristics are distinct to your personality? I've never gotten this sort of sense of self-definition, moral or values, etc. That's not like selfishness or looking out for one's own best interest, I get that very easily. Like Christians for instance, their values and ideals tend not to change for long periods of time, their very views and opinions don't seem to change. Maybe it's a personality thing, the type that draws them to this logic. My main point about this is, there is no you.  You are a product of genetics, your environment, your parental guidance and ultimately, just a victim of events of consequence and chance. It's hard to reconcile this with your ego, say there is no you, only a canvas that, because of the colors aligned in a certain way, makes that distinct picture (artist analogy, but frankly if you didn't get that, you probably won't understand any of this post, so why am I bothering to write this?).

It's like logic that says Christians are only Christians because they were brought up in a culture in which the spooky religious, spiritual, communal tradition is that of Christianity... predominantly. If they lived in a predominantly Muslim culture, or Buddhist culture, or Hindi culture, and so on.

What forms consciousness? This questions ultimately are only good for "food for thought" as they say, as either way they go, it has no impact on any lives. So if we're just blank cattle, so what? And if we truly are individuals within our communities.... so what? I've often pondered the question that if you could take the same exact same set of genes and "raise" them in every culture, to see what the results would be. Would there be characteristics that are unique enough to be called distinct across all incarnations of these genes, or would they all be different? There is absolutely no way to do this experiment, as raising a child is not just a culture, it's also the parents, people, economic situation, etc. It's fun to think about. Think of the core of you. What experience, if any, made you who you are? I come from a very unique situation... my memory, conscious memory anyway (just when I don't focus on remembering), is absolutely atrocious, so I tend to forget my positions on certain issues, maybe that makes me more susceptible to other viewpoints because I'm essentially a fairly blank state to begin with. But for "normal" people with normal functioning memories, why do you people stay the same for so long? I change every 6 months or so, on at least 30-40% of whatever I'm thinking, priorities, what's important, etc. I couldn't imagine holding the same views on something before and after hearing a lot of evidence on it. We don't learn everything at once, we take lots of information from different sources, just boggles me that anyone who keeps up with the times would remain stagnant in views and opinions.

Anyway, the events around us make us different and unique, we have no intrinsic uniqueness... unless you believe in an intelligent creator.